Sure a high end escort is better. But sometimes getting a nasty rub and tug from a middle aged Thai “masseuse” in a run down strip mall has it’s own charms.

Absolutely right.

The Cubs won the World Series in 2016, and have a current PECOTA projection of 79 wins for the 2019 season

Honestly, good. Fuck the Cubs.

There are going to some really sad kids in the school cafeteria without anything to trade.  :(

When I eat Dominos, I find it reassuring that the cow was as miserable as I am

Has anyone signed Cara Delevingne for the movie yet?

Word out of Washington is that their plan was always to have him be John Steel Slats anyway.

Whoa, a Bush administration official found a WMD!

DREW I HELD MY POOP IN FOR WEEKS WAITING FOR YOU TO COME BACK SO I CAN HAVE A GREAT MOMENT IN POOP HISTORY

EXCUSE ME BUT A DREW MAGARY POST IS HAPPENING NOW? THIS IS A GREAT DAY.

I know I guy from Conshohocken who plays bass in Ambiently Pennsylvanian.

This is the story of my life. I frequently sit at my computer, staring at the 800 or so games in my Steam library, completely unable to decide what I should play.

I distinctly remember watching the Eagles play the Bears at the peak of Walter Payton’s power. The Bears ran “student body left” and “student body right” over and over again—Payton would go to whatever side, pick a hole, and gain at least five yards every play.

I am glad you didn’t change the Melon auto-correct. It is a very fitting name for him these days.

The miserable change now at my end
Lament nor sorrow at; but please your thoughts
In YouTubing them with those my former highlight clips
Wherein I lived, the greatest prince o’ the world of Syracuse,
The noblest Nugget; and do now not basely die,
Not cowardly put off my headband to
My countryman,—a Rocket by a Rocket
Valiantl…

When Melo meets Jabari for the first time:

The last three seasons of Weeds were utter horseshit. 

“And Peter, I know we haven’t seen each other in a while, and this might sound strange, but can you call me ‘Uncle Jesse’ from now on?”

Comes back from being dusted only to accidentally kill himself in a bout of auto erotic asphyxiation. Didn’t see it coming.