He’ll play on Sunday if he wants to, even if Tomlin says no.

Yeah, you’re right, they probably don’t need the extra foot.

I guess Aqib Talib can join Peyton Manning and Jason Pierre Paul on the list of athletes who have no idea what the ends of their fingers are doing.

Loved his high-five to the random guy on the field as they passed each other.

Well, based on the UN projections and scientist models that I’ve read, it’s not good. Predicted PS4 tray melt, Xbox One dryness, and possible game rationing. Of course you won’t see anyone talking about that at the debates!

“Well why didn’t she grab one of the guns and point it at him? That’s what I would’ve done.”

“All I wanted was some Mac & Cheese” - Shabazz Napier

“But what I do have are a very hot set of takes, takes I have acquired over a very long career. Takes that make me a nightmare for people like you. If you apologize now, that’ll be the end of it. I will not look for you, I will not pursue you. But if you don’t, I will look for you, I will find you, and I will threaten…

Truly, we have witnessed some phenomenal hitting courtesy of such Latin players as Brycius Harperius and Deus Gordonius.

Keeps the warm things warm, the cold things cold. How does it know?

Keeps the warm things warm, the cold things cold. How does it know?

Is there a factory somewhere that produces reasonable facsimiles of Billy Mays to talk at TV cameras?

My local dispensary was giving out free jolly ranchers and I was like “Oh, it’s a jolly rancher, nbd!” I took it and in the two blocks it took me to walk home, I completely lost my fucking mind. My friends were at my house because we were cooking dinner together and I could not. fucking. move. They put me on the couch…

“there’s no evidence to support the perception he intended to create alarm.”

Hello Mudda

False. The immediate follow up will be:
“Oh, do I put too much mustard on your sandwiches?”

I was way more of a smart-ass when I worked in a bookstore, since my manager was always job hunting and couldn’t have cared less. During the height of the “Twilight” craze, right when the last book and the first movie had been released, we were sent a metric ton of merch, including those SweetHearts chalk-flavored…

You take high school sports too seriously.

Blake: What’s this all about?

For the same reason Matt Damon is playing an astronaut, Cait Blanchett is playing a news producer, & Idris Elba is playing a warlord: acting. Last I heard, Damon was not an astronaut, Blanchett was not a journalist, & Elba was not a paramilitary.

Well, they have an office, with a conference room, and a receptionist, and expense accounts, and a union. So yeah, those were pretty big changes from me walking the nine steps from my bed to my desk every morning.