“What are you working on today, Juliana?”

“Deep dive into naked paddleboarding.”

“Ah.”

(Which is to say, I’m jealous of your job.)

There will be a quiz later.

I can’t hear you. U.S.A.! U.S.A.! I can’t wait until we get to dunk on China’s head again. Try to usurp our place in the global economy, will they?

That contract is still going to suck.

This is the first news about the Olympics where the impact might actually be an improvement on the sport. I’d definitely watch more golf if they could guarantee capybara sightings.

Calvin & Hobbes was great. Classic Peanuts was great. Krazy Kat was amazing. Doonesbury is irrelevant now, but in its prime, its best strips were really good. The Far Side is sporadically funny. Bloom County is forced zaniness and cheap laughs at easy targets. I haven’t read enough of the Boondocks to have an opinion.…

There’s no way I’m ever going to make crudo, but I will goddamn eat some crudo on my next trip to the Atlantic seaboard.

First 25 seem fine to me.

My wife likes pink so we went to look at engagement rings and she picked out a nice pink sapphire ring (with a matching pendant) for $600 all together. The stone that was probably created in a lab somewhere, but so what? Both the ring and pendant are really pretty.

Diamonds are a ripoff, with an artificially inflated…

Crazy as it sounds, I wonder if some day he might be elected to the Hall of Fame some day.

Six-time All-Star, five-time All-NBA player, top ten in points four times, rebounding once, blocks twice. He couldn’t guard anyone and the Phoenix Suns didn’t miss a beat the year he was injured, essentially replacing him with…

If I could get into one player’s head to know what he was thinking at any given point, it would be the two biggest LeBron meltdowns, 2010 Celtics, 2011 Mavericks. Thoroughly fascinating.

Cortisone is a steroid. Why doesn’t this bother the anti-steroid crowd?

Iverson and Kidd dragged lousy teams to the Finals in historically weak conferences. Put it this way: If teams in those years had been seeded 1-16 rather than by conference, none of those teams would have gotten out of the second round.

Not only do I like the designated hitter, I think you should have as many in a lineup as you want (while still adhering to the 25-man roster limit).

That overtime in soccer should be decided by throwing an extra ball onto the pitch every five minutes until one of them goes into a net.

I wonder if part of his contract is that you’ll actually be able to link to the rest of his columns, rather than having to put his name in the search bar to find them.

This is the reaction GIF to end all reaction GIFs. Not only her face, but the person pointing it out to her and the two racers in the background. Sheer elation.

Somebody whose main selling point is something more substantial than “I am not this person who is even worse.”

Sadly, he probably is. These things are cyclical.

It’s “Friday.” (I speak Brrrrit-neh)