Time to get the shredder out! Just crush and shred all the bikes.

Rep. Stockman was immediately signed by the Eagles, once Chip Kelly heard he was a shutdown defender.

I wouldn't worry too much about Freeman reaching stage 2 of the drug program, as that would require showing progress.

And Peyton Manning responded by saying "Dude, your head coach is trying to run 100 offensive plays in a 5,280 foot altitude."

meanwhile Riley Cooper attempted to distract the Broncos D by yelling "Uncle Toms"

The Eagles' defense also did their best impression of a Papa John's pizza, by being cobbled together from unwanted parts and disappointing everyone involved

And in the ultimate gesture of good humor and sportsmanship, Peyton bought the entire Eagles defense pizzas after slicing them up on the field.

Just when I thought today was finally going be the day I go without crying, THIS!!!

I guess the Braves ran out of people to fight, so they started fighting each other.

That would explain why McCann told Gomez, "You believe that shit? Charlie, here comes the deuce. And when you speak of me, speak well."

Alternate comment on this story: "Homer Sox fan excuses reckless act because moron has a beard and dirty uniform."

"Catch shark"
Cannot catch shark. Boat upgrade is required.

My favorite MC Hammer impression was the one done by Warren Sapp.

Move over Bison Dele- looks like Deadspin has a new favorite anchor!

Jinno Dreams of Revenge.

Man. Between this and Sochi, the IOC must really hate fags.

You guys think this story sounds bad so far? Well, here's the kicker:

This is still my favorite thing. I can't watch it without giggling like a crazy person.

It will never out do the Red Sox Pizza Throw game.

Can't. Stop. Watching...