Old Joe Perry looks like Keith Richards In His Late 30s.

The way this guy talks tough in between churning out vapid pop swill, I really thought he could have been the next Billy Joel.

And now my impression of FlanTamarind while a Republican stabs him:

“Hey to be fair, there’s a good chance a liberal had a hand in making this knife, so it would be wrong to complain!”

This was fantastic. I stopped watching MR. ROBOT after season 2 because it got a little too high on its own supply, but I thought this was wonderful. More half-hour dramas, please.

The internet’s fun because people are like “You know, I bet people give a fuck about my opinion.” It’s cute!

“Anytime I’m around him, I’m just like, ‘This is D-Rose.’”@chancetherapper knows when he’s in the presence of greatness.

I think I’m going to throw up on my keybna98y69w60987tsdg09tg =e7fr WE 0w8g e87y 0we7e

It’s official...I can’t care about everything!

“We have to get these people some friends.”

Counterpoint: We have to drop these cunts in a volcano. 

I still think the letter writers’ contact info should be posted so we can harass them until they leave the Internet.

Gotta be Florida.

“ And I can imagine the dude that Khabib went after in Conor’s corner was probably saying that most racist, terrible shit you’ve ever heard during the fight.”

Ah, the old “just make shit up because why not?” tactic. Well played. 

One time Clay Travis did 10 minutes of stand-up at Zanies in Nashville and my friend secretly filmed it and was the worst shit I’ve ever seen.

“I love the Coens, I just hate the worldview and themes expressed through their entire body of work.”

gtfoh

I thought this article would name someone specific. It did not.

Moving on...

Love that long shot. It’s like if Brian DePalma had no idea what he was doing.

Counterpoint: it’s fine when the writing is great.

It’s juuuuust vague enough to seem deep to really dumb people.

New Adventures in Hi-Fi is wonderful.

Apologies. From now on, my comments will be more interesting.

Pete Davidson has the luxury of being able to go on Update and sit next to Colin Jost, so it appears he has charisma.

Chevy Chase is old and sad.

I remember the first time Jost appeared on SNL, and the first thing he said was how grateful he was for the opportunity and waited for the audience to applaud. It’s like “Hey asshole, make me laugh, then I’ll care.”

I’m still waiting.