This is why I have a Maserati. You get mostly only the good kind of attention, and not a lot of the bad types. Plus, it helps a lot if you don't paint it red. Mine is white-on-white — striking enough to get double-takes sometimes, but it doesn't scream "successful chiropractor with teensy penis".

I got busted once. My wife and I had done a little foreplay when I realized I had to pee. Into up, naked, and made for the bathroom. I had an erection. As I made it to the hallway, my 7 year old son came out of his room, also heading to the bathroom. I instantly covered up my junk. He said "what are you…

When R2 got smoked at the Battle of Yavin, my ten year old self screeched in horror. I'll never forget how the brave little droid kept the shields up just a little while longer so the brave rebel pilot could complete his attack run.

I can't think of a real reason we would WANT to enter the Black Sea. Also, in the event of conflict, doesn't the "fatal funnel" work both ways? How would the soviets...errrr..the Russians, fight their way out to join their comrades in the open sea? Or even as far as Syria?

that was awesome. As a white man, I agree with you. But I'm scared to say that.

Listen to it with the sound off. It's dumb.

With the launch of her new "channel", Palin has further marginalized herself and her followers into an insular personality cult. This would ordinarily be harmless, but most of them are armed. I do not normally fear aging ignorant diabetics, but automatic weapons in their hands are force and rage multipliers.

LET. THEM. FUCK.

Thank you, Dale Hansen, for shattering my own stereotype of Texas. I guess they're not all backwards ass country fucks. I'm still waiting on something smart to come out of Florida.

A year later, still the coolest article ever.

i hate all humans right now. granted, its an emotional reaction. i mean, these are hobbit-folk for fucksake.

Yes, but none of the participants are Kaiser, King of the Doxies.

okay. I listened to about 1:32 of this bullshit and I heard the lines about the "white man trying to understand" and the bullshit about being a "skynyrd fan" and lament about the "Starbucks on Main Street" and I could almost hear Sean Hannity and all the other rabble rousing fox news culture warriors jerking…

Honestly. Did Jezebel just present a straight-faced report on what transpired in the last episode? Snark-free, without any celebrity-legacy cracks? Fuck you, Jezebel.

Seriously. I've read Ayn Rand, and she's often misinterpreted by nut jobs. Her essays on racism and mysticism are particularly insightful. One of the things she admired about the United States was the sort of lack of public monuments we have here. She would view such monument to herself, a theme park no less, as…

Thank you. I absolutely LOVED this piece. Nice break in an otherwise busy day.

Brilliant!

Sooooooooooooo fake!

Bryan stop marrying everyfucking body.

I've just discovered this show this morning. Happy! Women like this need to breed and make more women like this.