As my editors have expressly forbidden me from suggesting Jeeps, it’s time to just get weird and suggest something completely counter to pretty much all of your requirements. But it’s OK; trust me, this Trolley is exactly what you need.

What is this?

I’ve lived in OR for over a year now. I’m pretty sure the law was originally enacted as a jobs measure and not because of a safety issue.

Native Oregonian here. Lived here my entire life. A few things to clarify:

This is a very good point that I did not think of. I was blinded by the greatness of the Golden Eagle.

I think Deadspin writers should refer to the Washington Football team only as the Redhawks going forward. If only to upset emotionally fragile Redhawks fans. Please

Can Deadspin just start calling them the Washington Redhawks from now on?

?

Wanting someone to suffer serious injuries or death is certainly something a terrible person would do.

Am I the only red-blooded American male who has absolutely no interest in poop stories?

I find it interesting that I get the ‘Sorry, this content not available in your country’ error with a video in an article about totalitarian governments.

That’s the whole point of this idea. It’s to get around that problem.

Because some people like trucks.

These shenanigans could probably all have been avoided if Germany didn’t export his grandparents lol

Any chance of getting a guest post from Greg Howard on all this?

“We must keep David alive so we can exploit his Jeep Wrenching for profit”

and their skateboards!

Damn teens!