I'm guessing Tebow would skip losing his virginity with Bayless.

Alternate Headline: This Garcia Popped His NFL Cherry a Long Time Ago

Clap of the hands, bow of the head to you good sir, Tom Scocca.

Holy smokes, this is great. Well played.

Tony "Der Kaiser" Kornheiser.

The Moore of Babylon.

This is what I can't get over. McQueary was 28 years old when he saw a kid being sodomized. He wasn't some teenager, but a grown-ass man. How is it that all he did was tell Paterno and then drop it? You'd think that, at the very least, he would have gone to the cops when he realized the university wasn't doing…

"We need to come up with a term for wideouts like Floyd, Meachem, and James Jones. One besides ASSHOLE, of course."

In my hometown, we brand cattle, because cattle rustling is still honest-to-god a real problem. During the branding, the calves are roped head and heel and being thus incapacitated it's a perfect opportunity to also cut the bulls' ball sacks and take out the nuts. Proper etiquette requires that you fry up the nuts in…

In joyous new for the Schilling family, Curt remains relevant.

Just want to share the best Greg Jennings Madden Remix

"WAR. Whooghgh. Yeah. What is it good for?" — Bill Conlin.

Counter Counterpoint: The 5 NFL titles they've won established them as a valuable franchise. Those titles have helped retain that value despite failure since 1995.