I am on board, drinking a Stoli-Boli, darlings.

Just days away, sweetie darlings

I first read this as “Turn the lights off.”

Why the hell do we have $34 billion worth of excess military grade weaponry just lying around, waiting to be distributed? Oh, right.

Cops are a gang with more guns and less accountability than other gangs.

I never trusted her.

I don’t really care about her but they beyhive does need to stop bullying and harassing her daughter. It doesn’t matter what the woman did, there is no excuse to start attacking her daughter.

No statement from Rachel Ray yet tho? Suspicious.

Oh god. I really love Anna Kendrick but I just can’t abide by non world changing people (or those who haven’t been through an earth shattering experience that needs to be told) who write memoirs before the age of 60. Girl you just cleared three decades on this earth. Come to a dinner party with me and tell me all…

At least it wasn’t “Celebrity Rehab with Dr Drew”. How many celebrities has this asshole killed? Six? Seven?

I can understand why her friends would want to stage an Intervention, but you can do one of those without televising it. Rehab, too.

How many fucking times does a GOPer have to say flat-out that voter ID laws exist solely to restrict people from voting?

This relationship looks exhausting.

How is she the bad guy in this? Jay Z is the one who actually, you know, cheated on his wife. Many times. But no, let’s be stereotypically stupid women and attack other women for the behaviour of men.

I feel like they are kardashian-level trolling everyone.

So, Beyonce just roasted the shit out of Jay Z for cheating on her. The album she did it on is on Tidal, which Jay Z owns. So Jay Z is literally making money off of cheating on his wife? Lemonade for everyone.

Becky with the bad hair day.

I like how “Schoolie McSchoolFace” is the tongue-in-cheek one.

“Robert E. Lee” came in second.

Well, I hear ADHD is almost nonexistent at Hitler Schools.