Few people know that once The Simple Life finished filming, Paris Hilton quietly went back to her work as an aerospace engineer at JPL.

At least we still have the Oscars...

Have you ever had anyone order pizza to a potluck? I had an old boss who would do that. Nice guy and he couldn’t cook so it kind of made sense, but it was still funny.

where Kate makes a bunch of plans to dismantle the other superheroes

This may very well be true.

I know they talk about Collins, Murkowski, Flake, and Manchin sitting in a room and vote trading/strategizing. Maybe that’s true and maybe it’s not, but Murkowski ends up voting against the party more than Collins or Flake. Ultimately the votes are all I have to go on, and she voted “No” on Kavanaugh. She voted…

Yeah, slightly paranoid in today’s social climate.

My legacy is secure

One time on a road trip we stopped at a gas station and I bought a roll of Double Stuf Oreos. Once we were back on the highway I opened them, only to realize that they were just Stuf Oreos. My shout of “Noooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!” very much startled my wife.

Some of the books these absolute monsters are looking to ban include...Kurt Vonnegut’s Slaughterhouse-Five

Somewhere a used car lot is missing its salesman.

Nothing surprises me about Trump. What does still surprise me occasionally is how much people like Mattis and Tillerson complain about Trump being uninformed, incompetent, and stupid, but will STILL never go out and say “I’m voting for a Democrat in 2020". They talk horribly about Trump, but they’re still going to go…

I learned long ago that all these books have a few details which make headlines, and the rest is just filler. Unless you are super into the detailed workings of government, they’re never worth buying or reading.

Trump says shittier things about the military than all the Democrats combined, but I feel pretty confident that I know who they’re going to vote for in November.

You should have had Claire sous vide them for you!

The failing of both this trilogy and the prequel trilogy is the inability to leave the original trilogy behind. I think it’s good to bring in Han and Leia in TFA to pass the baton. I also think Luke is fine in TLJ to be Rey’s Yoda. But that is where it should have ended. They forced R2 and 3PO into all the other…

There is a whole series of beginner books in the Dr. Seuss library not actually written by Dr. Seuss. They are fanciful, they rhyme, and they have Seuss-style illustrations, but little to no nonsense words. Simple short books like “Hand Hand Fingers Thumb” and longer books like “I Wish That I Had Duck Feet”. They are…

If you’re more than 3 seconds late, make sure you tip at least 67% instead of the customary 55%

Really? In front of my kebabs?

Maybe it’s the state of the world today, but I’m delighted by the thought of a grouchy old librarian going all Gordon Ramsay on children’s books. “Charlotte’s Web? More like Charlotte’s Shit! Bunnicula? How about Bun-fuckula! Dr. Seuss? Don’t even get me started on that nonsensical mother fucker!”