CorrectHorseBatteryStaple

The two happiest days in your life are the day you buy a lighthouse and the day you sell your lighthouse.

I’m sure women are looking forward to even more randos hitting on them when they’re just trying to get an errand done.

Footloose and Mortal Kombat need to be on this list!

At least when we drown, we won’t feel guilty for not having the hammer in the car.

Soup cans...can also be unstable when stacked

quiet quitting was quickly blown out of proportion

Blocking spam numbers that text you on an iphone is easy, but blocking spam email addresses that text you on an iphone is way too hard. We all know that Apple doesn’t give a shit about helping their customers, but this is ridiculous.

I can see a never ending feel-bad story anytime I want - I just look out the window.

They have people on standby

Plus once they realize you’re not in your seat, they sell your seat to someone else, essentially letting them get paid twice for a single seat.

Why on earth would you sous vide a hot pocket?!

The posters on TikTok have a tendency to overstate their case. They make all sorts of promises to “blow your mind” and “change the way you do xyz,” and love to tell you that you’ve been “doing it wrong” this whole time.

Let’s start with the passwords themselves, which should be two things: strong and unique.

I’ve tried that and it was such a hassle. How do you avoid milk hardened on the side of the pot, skin on top of the macaroni, scalded milk, or all three?

The kind of person who needs to be called out on a Jumbotron.

At $55, it’s almost worth pranking your buddies by signing them up.

Shit, for $39 I’d address petty marriage squabbles on the Jumbotron. “Jennifer, stop leaving the cap off the toothpaste!!!”

I know! My old toaster died and I bought several different $20 - $50 toasters and they all toasted like shit. I thought “I guess I’ll have to buy a $100 toaster”, but the reviews for those were just as bad as the reviews for the $20 toasters! I’m not going to buy a $300 toaster, why can’t there just be a decent…

If they can make it weak, super thin, and with the texture of sandpaper, then my office building will be very interested.