My mom has a funny story about the lights coming up at a haunted house she took me and my brother to...”there’s some kid freaking out.”

STICK TO FOOD!!!

There was a TV special, something like “Garfield goes camping” and it had a panther that had escaped from the zoo. That thing scared the shit out of me! Hell, I’m 40 and it STILL scares me!

“margins are thin!” Well, then maybe you should warn the customer before making a drink that’s already been sent back ten times that night.

That’s awful! I hope you only tipped him 92%

Stick to sports!!!

“We’re the party of small government!”

They’re crafted in the fires of Mt. Doom, by Sauron’s Grandma.

Ok, I accept that you Russian bots trying to influence the election, but this? Repping the strawberry candies? That’s just evil.

And yet we use all our dress code efforts on policing women’s clothes.

handed out what appears to be boxes of M&Ms with the WH logo on them

At least they didn’t give out unsharpened pencils or tic tacs.

Tootsie rolls, jolly ranchers, and those strawberry candies with the strawberry wrapper are also awful.

I take some shit from family when I rock the sleeveless look at the beach, but even I can manage to put on a button-down if Good Morning America is interviewing me!

For those of you who are too young or haven’t heard the song, the premise is that Eddie is dating a girl. And she like to party. All the time.

Just checking something - I’m the only one who enjoys that song, right?

The first pitch is such a little thing that it shouldn’t matter, but there’s just something about a president nailing it that makes me feel so good. There is virtually nothing I like about George W. Bush, but when he threw that first pitch after 9/11 by God...

I’m getting it for Heavyweights.

Even this wasn’t “unfiltered”. People who can afford world series tickets are at least solidly middle class. The average ticket is over $1,000.

Yeah, last week they announced that he was going to be there. He was supposed to throw out the first pitch but his enemy José Andres threw it out instead. he can’t do more than toss a roll of paper towels about eight feet. Underhand.