Guys go grey, and I am ALL OVER THAT. Not sure why. Husband was all agitated the other day because his goatee and temples are going grey at 26, and I offered to never make butterscotch cake for him again if he did not step away from the Just For Men.

Yeah, not everyone has giant hands, and girls don't need yet another fun barrier to gaming with the fellas. The PS3 controller fits my hands perfectly. The XBox controller is mostly me trying to make all fingers go all places at all times, akin to microjuggling. I hate it. I'd really prefer having the choice to use…

Ok, Avril ;)
I call men "men" once that lovely grey around the temples kicks in. I like men, not boys. I also hang out in knitted sweaters making preserves. 23 going on 65.

Because making fun of Celiacs is more trendy than gluten free diets, apparently. As in, even my servers at restaurants think that shit is funny. Nothing cracks me up like vomiting blood in the ER because someone thinks the bleeding ulcer is in my head, not my stomach.

I am literally in the process of buying a seafoam green crossover SUV with enough cup holders for every stick figure family ever printed. It's a newly available color. Your nightmare is back.

Oh, hey. Buy a new bottle of rubbing alcohol. Poke a small hole in the tamper foil on the top. Next time you see one of those big fellas, squirt it with the alcohol. Cheaper than Raid, less likely to accidentally poison mammals, and instantly effective. You learn to aim really well over time, too.

New Orleans takes the roach cake. I just moved to texas from NOLA, and I saw a roach and was like "what is that?" as opposed to the first time I saw one in NOLA: "WHAT is that?!"

She uses staffing companies to do her dirty work, too.
One of the most heart-flutteringly happy HA! moments in my life was the day one of them called her to follow up after an interview that they sent her on and said "Next time, I need you to bring them grown-up X, or we can't place you for anything above entry level…

I have tried and tried. She reverse-engineers a salary that she would like based on what she spends in a comfortable, socially active month, and then only applies to jobs with nice-sounding titles that will pay her at least that much as a starting wage.
It is ridiculous, and a bit childish.

I took Plan B once, and had to inform the pharmacist that if they wanted to maintain their professional license, they should stop trying to use it to enforce their personal beliefs on me. I was in scrubs and not amused at the time, which helped my cause. Chick was seriously not going to sell it, and initially told me…

It will mean zero abortions on paper, which is ALL that man cares about. He wants a shiny record to hold up on the campaign trail, hopefully shiny enough to hold in the spotlight and use to temporarily "dazzle" people when he does things like forget the third item on a list of three items. SHINY!

Yeah. Remember last week, when they called us terrorists? Like.... actually said that? In reference to women. Doing legal things. Because it was inconvenient to men who are literally writing a law to remove rights from said women?
You can't bring your tampons, and they don't want you there anyways. Maybe we should…

At least in the United States, you can apply for Medicaid coverage to assist with those costs, and it is retroactive to cover previously attained healthcare. If you show up to a hospital uninsured and in labor, they can deliver your baby, and then send in a billing department employee who can help you fill out the…

This gets into the greater problem of people applying for positions that they are not qualified for, which happens constantly and highlights major problems. I have a friend who hates my input each time she looks for a job (~6 months) because I tell her that she is not qualified for the positions she wants. She applies…

I'll help, as a mom. Mothering is hard. It is a job, of sorts, because if you have the funds to do so, you can pay someone else quite a lot to do the exact same tasks for you (usually multiple people, because nannies are not housekeepers and vice versa).
However.
There are very few professional positions in which the…

I worked Hospice for a long while. Even people with a small sports team of children often die alone. People undervalue the stress of caring for the dying elderly, as well as the emotional toll of not being able to save your parent. Watching them die is hard as fuck.
People also overestimate what their children will be…

I have been choosing this as my internal response to having half-chewed cookies shoved in my face. "She was fucking loving that cookie, and she still chose to share it with you. She loves you more than that cookie, which you know she adores. You must be a rockstar to her."
Or hugs. When a toddler stops to hug you, they…

I am a bio-mom, and I rank your parenting task as harder. I am also a step-child. Shit gets awkward at times, and emotionally tasking at others, where it is not so hard with my parents. I've known them longer; we are more skilled in communicating with one another.
I am also a playdate mommy, and I have seen the way my…

By accepting their advice regarding biological hazards and immunology, but not even considering asking them whether play dates are easier at your house or the mates' house, or if store brand grape jelly seems to stain worse than regular, or whether they have advice on how to approach Linda from the sunday coffee and…

It is comparable in some ways, but not in others. The day that being a mother becomes comparable to being the one on call when a dear friend passed while I was a Hospice Employee, I am done. Game over. There are ways in which it is my honest plea that mothering my child will never come close.