“Claire, did you bring your kneepads?”

All the other cars in this lot are like: “I really hope senpai will notice me!”

The way that man wears a suit SHAMES me as a man.

The time has come. Black James Bond, please. #BlackJamesBond

Outtakes are needed.

Fuck. You. So. Hard. (says the man who had bland oatmeal for breakfast and is about to drown in drool)

If you've never had the chance to see one of these do a low pass in full burner up close do it. It. Is. Loud.

When Alba was starting the company, the legal team sent a cease and desist letter to Honest Toddler over the use of "honest." At that point, I decided to never buy anything from The Honest Co.

Yup.

Dear God that is just the most perfect noise.

Dear Justice Ginsburg, Thank YOU for your artistry and caring. You’ve made this great country a vastly greater place. Sincerely, Everyone

It should be 10-15 years old and something that had a high safety rating back when it was new. High schoolers absolutely do not need a new or powerful car. They need something that’s cheap and broke-in, but not so old that it’s an unreliable junk heap. Every time I see some kid in a brand new muscle car I just shake…

The response I have formulated after 9+ years of being asked when we are going to “give” our daughter a sibling: “After three miscarriages it became apparent that my uterus is for decorative purposes only. But thanks for reminding me about the most painful and heart-wrenching experience I’ve ever had while also…

It’s funny how the conservatives are all about “states’ rights” until they don’t like the law the state made. Then all of a sudden they’re all about the “constitution.”

Torch, it’s easy to forget that you can be thoughtful as well as hilarious sometimes. Nice work.

Agreed, that whole flag is bullshit.

Sorry, but I won't stop having sex with your sister.

What’s next?