1.) Excuse you, Jeffries, but fat people can be cool and good looking. Rebel Wilson is only one of one bazillion examples.

I think she was going for the red-lip vintage thing, which is gorgeous when it is done by someone who is not halfheartedly battling an addiction to pretty much everything under the sun whilst surrounded by enablers.

A thousand times this. Most Legend of Zelda players I know - male and female both - are remarkably well-adjusted human beings with great taste in videogames.

May I humbly recommend pincurls?

And if it's a goy you mistake for another Jew, what do you do then?

May I put "because my tits said no" on the reasons that I will in all likelihood not be having children? Just to have another one when people ask?

This.

I have never been penetrated by broadband, nor do I ever wish to be. It sounds like something that can probably give you cancer.

Why the fuck would you ever want to follow a random teenager and mock them on Twitter? Do you realize how much inane shit you'd have to plow through before you got to something worthwhile? Are you some kind of a masochist?

We can only hope that this may soon become a Discovery:Health offshoot channel. Discovery:Fornication.

Yep.

Hell, I'm a white girl and my parents taught me the same damn rules: follow orders, keep your ass in the car until you're told to get out of the car, no sudden moves, be polite, speak when spoken to, and otherwise shut the fuck up. You don't want to fuck with the cops.

A literary smut journal! Fuck yeah!

A five page book report are you fucking kidding me.

Oh, not at all! Despite the awful method of breaking up, it made damn good and sure that I didn't waste any more time on a person who would find Facebook an acceptable way to break up with a relatively long-term partner with.

Or, worse yet, is a revelation that you pretty much blinded yourself to knowing anything that didn't indicate good character.

This sounds a terrible bit like my relationship with my latest ex. She, too, was depressed and suicidal, refused to get help on the grounds that medication did not work and that therapists/psychiatrists/psychologists "don't know what they're talking about" and "can't do anything." She self-medicated with pot and…

After an eight-month thing, I was broken up with over text, didn't get that text, and was subsequently broken up with over Facebook via the change of her relationship status. When I asked why the hell that happened - we were having issues, sure, but breaking up was a huge crying-and-screaming/guilt trip fit on her…

This times a thousand. My latest ex is just like that and it's - NO, girl, please go away, you kinda shattered my heart into a thousand pieces with your classy Facebook breakupage out of nowhere, please stop trying to be in my life.

Never, ever break up with someone with third party shit. Always at least TRY to do it on the phone - in person, if at all fucking possible. I say this as someone who was dumped via text and Facebook by the same person in the same breakup (explanation below.)