Shit, and I thought I was having a bad day because my job sucks and my boss treats me like a little girl even though I’m 37. Feel better boo. Hugs for you.

I keep reminding myself this turd has to register as a sex offender for the rest of his miserable life.

“How I Spent My Summer Vacation” by Brock Turner.

“Hey, leave me out of this!”

Seems like an easy in. Any time he asks about your strengths, make comparisons to foxes.

You can safely assume the fucking was furry too

true story, i told on Gawker years ago.

This is seriously my favorite picture of her ever.

Please let there be debates.

Well fuck, there goes my evening.

Either Derrick is a fucking terrible diagnostician, or he's really bad at eating booty.

They say you can judge the quality of a society by how it treats its prisoners, so...

Any sports magazine subscription that I had which featured an NBA cover wouldn’t make it to my house - every single one.

The first time it was a $200 bottle of cologne. No, I’m not that type but it was a gift from a girlfriend and post 9/11 I couldn’t carry it on. I thought “eh, maybe the [then fledgeling] TSA grabbed it because it registers as flammable”. Filed a claim, never paid out.

My first experience with Philly left me wondering, “why the fuck didn’t I just fly into Baltimore and cut out the middleman?”

Philly is a bit hand-wavy with that whole “legal” thing.

Philadelphia’s collective attitude problem extends well beyond parking. Of the dozen times a year I’d find myself catching a connecting flight through Philadelphia in the early 2000's, about 50% of the time I’d have something stolen from a bag.