"After mentioning her tumor and subsequent surgery, Elisabeth was quick to point out how thankful she was to live in a country where her ability to get said surgery was determined by how much money she makes as well as the whims of a man in a suit behind an Insurance desk.

"I am just so thankful," she said, glancing…

If it weren't his actual, legal name I wouldn't use it either. Like, when I look up his court docket information I have to search for "Machine, War."

I AM AT A QUANDARY

Some people are so stupid that I wonder how they make it outside every day without walking into the front door.

When I was in Europe, selling monogrammed thermoses, THEY would cook my steaks for me until it was tender, no matter how long it took. Americans are so lazy sometimes.

Great. And all those years of making excuses as to why my hamsters and gerbils didn't work—why I was always the one putting money in their college funds—and it turns out they could have been working the whole time. Earning money for themselves! Pulling themselves up by their own tiny bootstraps!

And then they waited outside the bed chamber until the blood stained sheets were produced.

people who will vote for this woman because of what this man said regardless of her views are the reason we're fucked in this country.

I don't get treating those in the service industry like shit.

That's when a guy walks up with the missing forty dollars and tells the woman it was on the floor by their table. To which she says "bullshit" and storms out saying that I'm a fucking thief. Moral of the story is, don't give small children lots of cash.

I imagine that guy probably paid out of his own pocket to make the…

Did you notice that you have a period and a question mark at the end of that sentence

I really would like Cabang and Macadangdang to get married and then hyphenate their names. Kids named Cabang-Macadangdang would be spectacular.

I get that veganism is important to you, but don't you think it's pretty fucking weird to champion that cause on this article?

Love.

Who is it fair to compare Bristol to, then? Who do you consider her intellectual peer? The crackhead that lives under the bridge near my house? A particularly smart goat?

Plus one is named after cleaning supplies, while the other has a human name.

I'm feeling my age because I really was expecting him to holler in her as in "yell at and berate."

guys i really like taylor swift

I cringed and nodded and laughed, all at the same time. That's how you wring black humor from a truly horrible story!