What time should I be there?

"PSYCH, IT'S A WITCH'S OVEN. YOU'RE FOOD NOW." That made me laugh out loud. Lindy, you delight me.

I don't think that was the point. Whether you're writing fiction or non-fiction or poetry or whatever, you can write whatever you want. You just have to write thinking about the pleasure and interest of your reader. Maybe there are only ten people in the world who are interested in your ode to an obscure German…

Congratulations on your new family members! Some close friends of mine adopted a sibling group when they were 6, 4 and 18 months and it has been a really wonderful thing for all of them.

I feel like it must kind of happen by accident. I had a really wealthy massage client once who was in her late 50's and decided to get her thighs liposuctioned (forget for a second that there really was nothing wrong with her thighs, they just didn't look like they probably did when she was 28). So she got the work…

At the very least, the notion of Carson in jeans and flip flops would have her making that face and exhaling sharply.

Seconded. And I'm tempted to stencil May you live a long life of intimidating small-minded, backward, violent men over my daughter's crib.

I don't have a teenager, but my impulse feels like I become SUPER litigious. Not against the school (unless they have something to do with it). However, any kid who has that picture has child pornography. There are legal consequences for that. I want cops at every single one of their houses. I want twerps in…

Seconded.

Anyone who has ever served on a jury knows that your fellow voting citizens are idiots. They should not automatically be trusted to make correct decisions. (FWIW, the jury I was on came to the correct decision, it just felt like pulling teeth to get a few really stupid people there).

I can't tell you how many times I have tried to explain that to my crazy extended family. The vows I, a woman, said to my husband, a man, were: "I promise to love, honor, cherish, and protect you from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, for as long as we…

Wai-wai-wai-wai-wait. It's in the government's best interest to encourage procreation among its citizens? So, Ms. Windsor's SOL because if lesbians can't marry other lesbians, they'll be more likely to marry men? How high do you have to be for that to make sense?

Word.

I know. I can't stop staring at those pictures. It's freaking me out but I can't stop! Quick, somone help me before we wind up in an Infinite Jest situation!

I don't understand how they thought it was funny in the first place. Not only is the idea of a dude beating up his girlfriend not funny, this isn't even topical. It was years ago.

I think it's B. I mean, I don't know this woman and for all I know she could be evil, pure evil. But I've known people like her and it's been my experience that they usually believe they are fighting a righteous war where the stakes are super high. They wind up losing perspective and doing things that seem insane. …

In my experience (Evangelical upbringing, Evangelical high school, Evangelical college, still see my extended Evangelical family at holidays), your godmother is totally par for the course. You will hear that kind of stuff in most fairly hardcore Evangelical church. And, yeah, Christians took to heart the idea that…

Is that how that's spelled? Verkakte? I don't think I've ever seen it spelled. I thought it began with an F. (Not Jewish, in case you can't tell)

Thank you for that GIF. I now feel much, much better.

::headdesk::