Oh, God...that's awful. I hope you and your little made it through all of that okay and you got a restraining order from your crazy mother. My mother is a narcissist who is also getting her Ph.D. in Psychology (because the universe sucks), so when I didn't let her come into the room with me when I was delivering my…

I was almost—ALMOST—willing to give her the benefit of the doubt. I started thinking, what if I had a 14- or 15-year-old daughter who went to the hospital and found out that she was pregnant—only she got a private one-on-one talk with a rightwing nutcase who pumped her full of misinformation about how abortion is…

Sounds like you've met my mother! Except in my case, my mom actually had this weird pathological desire for my sisters and I to get pregnant as teenagers because my mom is addicted to babies (she loses interest when they start walking and talking, and then it's on to the next one). So yeah, super hardcore Roman…

I was even trying to look at it from the parents' perspective—maybe the kids are really young and don't understand that the dog they've fallen in love with has to go to someone else's house. But shit, you tell them you'll get a new dog and seriously—problem solved. It's really not an insurmountable problem...

I gave him gum to calm him down on the drive home, thereby completely undermining the lesson he was learning about dealing with disappointment.

I'm going to go out on a limb and guess that these kids are spoiled and entitled as fuck, as are the parents. Yeah, last week, my toddler got SOOOPER attached to another kid's dump truck at the park. My kid was practically having an emotional affair with that damn truck. But he had to deal with the fact that he…

I'm so sorry that happened to you.

I envision a future in which the next trend is full frontal cervix. Lady Gaga will be wheeled down the red carpet in a wheelchair with a speculum in her vagina. Ugh, I just creeped myself out.

I would lose that game hardcore right now.

I don't really understand this "I almost flashed my labia" thing that's happening with fashion now. When did this become the thing that we're all into now?

Ugh, God, here, I'll just do it for you: "Not all men!" There.

So much of this story is completely blowing my mind right now—starting with a nine-pound baby at 32 weeks. And then six pregnancy tests and three ultrasounds missing said nine-pound baby. And then the mom—already having gone through pregnancy before and knowing what it feels like—also missing said nine-pound baby. I…

Nope. I'm calling bullshit. I'm the oldest of 11 kids. I've watched my mom and her four sisters breastfeed more babies than you've ever seen in your life, and never once have I actually stared so closely at a breastfeeding woman's breast that I've actually SEEN milk dribbling out. I didn't even know that the milk…

Omg...just omg... Whenever I watch those nasty ass videos of someone popping a giant pimple or squeezing out a 20-year-old blackhead, I feel like I can taste it...

I had a sebaceous cyst on my back, which is basically a giant, enormous, infected pimple. It was the size of a golf ball and super painful to the touch. It had to be lanced and "drained," which translates to "someone had to squeeze all the shit out of it." All that shit you get out of a pimple? Yeah, that was all the…

Ugh...stories of medical professionals being assholes to pregnant women always get me. When I was pregnant with my older son, I went in for my 20-week anatomy scan and got the absolute bitchiest, meanest nurse I'd ever met in my life. Like, here I am, all happy and peppy to see my little grub, and I walk back where…

Holy fucking shit! That's all I got for that! Just—christ on a cracker!

I appreciate the words of reassurance! I love my little guy—he's my buddy—but I also live for his naptime and that blissful hour between the time he goes to bed and the time I go to bed. I'm really looking forward to the day when my oldest is 5 and my youngest is 2. I love that age!

Yes! I'm super sick of being pregnant, but I'm also dreading that reality check moment of realizing I have no me-time anymore. With my first, it hit me hard, since he wouldn't let me put him down and had to be touching me every second of the day. I was totally in love with him of course, but it kind of sucked not…