WuuUUUUuuuut the absolute fuck? That's enough, Internet. I'M DONE WITH YOU.

Very true. I've been surprised to learn how many of my friends and family members are tolerant and inclusive on the surface, but who apparently still don't think gays and blacks are real "people" deserving of respect. Meanwhile, these are the same people who flip the fuck out when Louis C.K. makes jokes about…

You don't think a rash of teen gay suicides is reason enough to take a vocal homophobe off TV?

"A+E Networks' core values are centered around creativity, inclusion and mutual respect FOR STRAIGHT, WHITE PEOPLE. Fuck you, gays and blacks! (And Shintos.)"

Agreed. My brother-in-law works for a hospital and he took his full 12 weeks of Family Leave, whereas my husband (who works in construction) took his one-week of vacation time plus an extra few days that he had to beg for, and I can see the difference. My husband is an awesome, loving, nurturing dad, but he simply…

MomsRising.org is on this. They're awesome. A bill was recently introduced (maybe two weeks ago, I think?) on this very issue to get longer paid parental leave in the States. I'm sure it'll get shot down for being "anti-business."

I got a book from my very conservative Christian mother-in-law called "The Warrior Wife," which is all about how to keep Jesus in your marriage. Meanwhile, my mother (who I would describe as a "quantity over quality" gift-giver) gave me a bunch of $4 gold-painted serving dishes, platters, and glasses that she got at…

Personally, I've never watched the show because zzzzzzzzzz. But the people who do seem to have this intense familial relationship with Phil. At least that's the only explanation I can come up with for why so many people I know are rushing in to defend the guy. That's where my surprise came from. A grizzled old white…

No no no no NO! I CAN'T LOSE KATIE AND LAURA!

One of my FB frienemies wrote a very theatrical mock letter to A&E telling the network what "idiots" they are and how she will continue to watch Duck Dynasty online regardless of dude's comments—because "everybody already knew he felt that way." She writes a lot of mock letters on Facebook when she's upset about shit.

I hate this argument with conservatives because the inevitable "God helps those who help themselves" bullshittery comes up. Oh! And the "it's better to teach a man to fish" line. NEVERMIND the fact that 40% of SNAP recipients are children who CAN'T FUCKING FISH!

Seriously. I wanted to put drops in MY eyes after watching that.

Giant exhale: FUUUUUCCKKK THOOOOOOOSE GUUUUUUYS.

Thanks for my morning happiness, Jezebel. After reading the rage-inducing story of the super rich teenager who killed four people and got rehab instead of jail due to his particularly bad case of "Affluenza," I was ready to murder the world. This is a relief to read.

How about I feel sorry for the day your daughter is accused of lying about a sexual assault? BOOM. See how that works?

So...you don't get hypotheticals? My son is two.

OH JESUS MARY AND JOSEPH! Can we not, please?? The number of false reports pales in comparison to the number of rapes that go unreported. Last I heard, less than 10% of rapes are reported, while less than 1% are false reports.

Ughughugh. I hate "cool Christian" churches. My in-laws go to one and they have a live band featuring emo Christian rockers in skinny jeans and knit beanies. THE. WORST.

Adam Levine is the sexiest man alive, and I just shit in a bag and dubbed it the sexiest bag of shit alive. Hows about a cover for that, People?!

I read Aaron Paul's quote...and then I think I just came...