That's so sweet

I admire your taste, you bitch.

I hope he finds out he is number 4 in the rotation because his dick game is kind of weak.

And even then, what's the insult? "You looked cute in this swimsuit one time. Ha-ha, nailed you."

Honestly, Rihanna bossing around Leonardo DiCaprio and finding him subpar is basically every sex dream I have ever had.

"why didn't he make it in one 1st and goal"

This isn't even good trolling. Gonna need a hotter take than that. -1

This is not exactly news Tom. Jay's sucked at home all year.

His abusive relationship with black and grizzly bears.

ALL THESE SPARSE EYEBROWS ARE RUINING EVERYTHING

What I heard: The most important thing to learn in college is conformity. It is not the time to experiment with ideas and finding your style! If you want to advance to the basic bitch big leagues when you graduate now is them time to stop thinking and start bronzing.

The fact that these girls don't know that French manicures are now thought tacky makes me question the whole Panhellenic system.

In the original folk tale, sleeping beauty is raped and impregnated by the Prince after he finds her asleep. She then wakes up when her infant (after giving birth to himself) sucks on her finger and dislodges the flax seed under her fingernail that is causing her to be asleep.

Holy shit, that George Clooney joke was straight up brilliant.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAA!

Absolutely. That is some Grade-A creeper fodder right there. Best-case scenario, he's trying to manipulate you into moving faster than you want; worst-case, he's going to wind up murdering you and wearing your skin like a suit.

My favorite kind of missed connections are when I run into guys that were homophobic to me and I see them at the gay club.

"I'm ready to settle down" within what sounds like the first half hour of the date? No. Absolutely not. Do not pass go. Do not collect $200. Get your ass home.

Probably cause he knew she'd pull some master-class-level of mom-guilt like she did with the whole "I vote Democrat because of my autistic grandson." Drop the fucking mic!