So. For all you Alan Cumming fans out there, he read the audiobooks for this pretty great children's series that takes place during WWI but where the Allies are Darwinists with man-made creatures that float like Zeppelins and the Axis powers are steampunk and this girl dresses as a boy to join the Royal Air Force. If…

What I've learned: putting anything anyone says into headline format with quotation marks makes them sound unfairly like an idiot.

My dad once took my brothers and I (aged 7-12) to see Swordfish, but during the scene where Hugh Jackman is furiously trying to hack a computer with a gun to his head while Halle Berry performs fellatio on him my dad had the good parenting sense to lead us out of the theater and sneak us into Shrek down the hall. Then…

Bummer. I was kind of hoping they'd go through the Great Depression and maybe even WWII as well. I guess Julian Fellowes will just have to make more series'!

How are we feeling about our step-parents?

I thought John Stamos was going to be railing against those ugly fucking "open your heart" pendants they've been slinging every commercial break for the last month.

Woah woah woah. I loved Tower Prep! And these dicks! They cancelled it for the stupidest, most incorrect reasoning ever. If we're gonna get all gender-essentialist here, girls are better fans than boys. Just spend five minutes on Flickr. Better fans=better ratings=more advertising money. And as others have pointed…

Damn if I don't agree with you! I initially thought Jesse Williams would've been perfect, but I don't think he could have pulled off the vulnerability needed to humanize Finnick- like during the jabberjay scene. Sam Claflin was really excellent!

That V, but I feel like he could give you hepatitis if you looked at him for too long.

In accordance with ancient Western political tradition, her dad did shoot a man in the face once. I'd say she's got a leg up on the competition.

So, is Joe McScrooge the new Joe the Plumber?

A dumbass who is also a clown? It's really the definition that makes the most sense in the context that 'Assclown' is usually used. An exceptionally ridiculous dumbass. 'A guy who clowns around with people's butts' don't make no sense, as an insult or in this or most other contexts.

BUT I WANT TO GET DRUNK WITH JENNIFER LAWRENCE AND WOODY HARRELSON!!!!1!1

They seem like such nice, lovely chaps but it could just be that they're British.

Like, when you were scrounging around for quarters to do laundry and whoops! Ewan McGregor's penis! How'd you get under my sofa cushions you naughty rascal! The late 90's/early 2000s were a great time for McGregor peen.

Oh sorry, I thought we were discussing Face/Off. I'll just be over here and leave you guys to it.

Although I was a college co-ed at the time, I was the bookish virgin type and not the fun, slutty sorority girl so I figured I'd be safe.

I guess we'll finally find out which trumps all- racism or classism?

The year was three years ago. The place: my mom's house, where I was home from college for the summer. I was sitting in the dimly lit living room watching Desperate Housewives around 2am. I was home alone. The floor began to gently vibrate under the heavy footsteps of someone coming up the stairs to our front deck…

Yeesh, depressing. Until I tried "Women will not": "be bullied", "kiss you on the bus", or "be deported to Bangladesh"