What dicks, I hate when they do that.

Sorry, I may have been a little overzealous there. It's a shitty day, I apologize.

I dunno, the One Direction invasion is preeetty terrible. It may necessitate a second tea party whereby we throw floppy-haired, elfin-faced effigies of those little monsters straight into the ocean.

A handgun kept in the home for self-defense is 43 times more likely to kill a family member or friend than an intruder. Enjoy!

And how many of those Chinese kids died from this knife attack? 22 kids were wounded and ZERO died. Meanwhile, the Aurora shooter shot 72 people in 90 seconds, killing 12.

Guns aren't "promised" to us, we have the right to bear arms. There's a difference. And the Constitution is meant to be amended and updated as the times change. Hence, women's right to vote, emancipation from slavery, etc. To repeat myself from another post, we aren't fighting off the Red Coats with our muskets and…

Yeah, it's gotta be a lot easier to ban soda than firearms, even though we Americans loooove our Big Gulps.

The Framers intended for it to be modified as the times changed. As we're no longer fighting off the Red Coats with muskets and bayonets, I'd say it's time to re-examine the 2nd Amendment.

I don't care, the media shouldn't be trying to talk to those kids at all. Show a little humanity, reporters. It's not all about the damn scoop.

Slightly OT- When I flipped on the TV on that infamous Balloon Boy day and saw news reports of a large shiny flying object, I thought to myself "OMG SPACE SHIP! This will forever be remembered as the day aliens first visited Earth!", and then got a little bummed out when the announcer started explaining WTF was going…

Yeah, but read the Gawker comments, they'll cheer you right up! Most people are just as unimpressed with the site for posting about it as we are.

Monkeys shouldn't be pets, and a zoo or animal sanctuary aren't ideal either, but if I were a monkey I would NOT want to live in the wild. Why would I want to suffer from disease, starvation, and freaking monkey murder? I guess the benefits would be roaming free, but not really because then you have to deal with…

I'm pretty sure I remember reading somewhere that he had his named legally changed to Abraham Shakespeare. Good choice, though!

I feel like my cleanliness standards definitely change depending on where I am. And my standards are at their lowest while camping. I'll eat that damn toasted marshmallow, dirt and bits of stick and all, and then later get sticky marshmallow residue all up in my hair. Sticks become utensils, and hand washing, forget…

It depends on how badly I want it. Like, if I just finished toasting a delicious toaster pastry and then accidentally drop it on the floor, I will definitely eat that shit. Just blow off anything that might have gotten stuck on it an I'm good. But I wouldn't eat anything goopy or sticky off the floor. I've had to…

Oh god, all I have to say is that just made me laugh for a very long time. After going to Ikea I just want to shut myself away in a dark room and never see/speak to another human being ever again.

He was wearing a coat, jeez.

They are primates, but they're not apes. Gorillas, chimps, and people are apes. Monkeys is just monkeys. Interesting factoid (not): monkeys only live in South America! Or no, wait, maybe that's only the ones with prehensile tails...

I read tons of books as a kid and my parents didn't let us watch TV and I curse at people online all the time. It's inevitable, dammit.