We need to make this perfectly clear: she was arrested for something that was perfectly legal, and released only after the police said the equivalent of, “Oh, gosh — sorry! We really should read up on the law!”

Hmm. Could you explain this further? Are your friends and relatives capable of just small amounts of interest, and it was all burned through by those assholes who dared marry before you? Or were you afraid of comparisons, like your loved ones would sit in the church saying stuff like, “Hoo-wee! cousin Charlotte’s…

It’s so great to see how far porn has come from that sexist Playboy trash. Now Hef is called a Patriarchal Lifestyle Consultant and the Bunnies are Self-Empowered Pube Managers.

I don’t know where you got that idea but the frequently have women in the booths. I watch it but find it completely unsexy: I think it’s a rule that the people with enough nerve to go on TV naked also like to shave, tattoo, pierce, dye and implant themselves.

Your tarot card reader told you to buy a vape.

I still remember as a fresh-faced immigrant to NYC seeing the Chop’t on 17th Street and reading their motto: “Pick out ingredients and pay for them and we’ll mix them together in a bowl.” What an amazing country, I thought: fork over $42 for lettuce and croutons and they’ll really go out there on a limb.

Ohmigod, it works! I was one of those negative naysayers too, but then I thought what the hell and I found out IT WORKS! I now have a fridge full of food and no rent due until July 2024 and all I have to do is crochet 1,412 dreamcatchers and paint unicorns on kids’ faces at 3,916 church festivals.

If you leave the toilet seat up, the odds are about 50:50 you won’t have to touch it the next time you pee.

Three years ago I lost my husband of 32 years. It’s literally unbearable but with friends I got through it. Always remember how great his life was because he had you. And of course you’ll wish you could have said goodbye but that’s how it works: you had to have hope every minute he was there. You can’t go up to a sick…

I had a nonexistent childhood raised by a crazy single mother.

Exactly. Right before this article I read a piece explaining why pre-presidency Donald Trump was never investigated though he clearly committed several thousand crimes with his fake “foundation” and illegal rent raises. The explanation was that he kept quiet so he disappeared in the pack of massively-criminal New York…

Pretending to worship a wholesome, senior entertainment icon: Desperate Celebrity Endearment Strategy #784.

Now she just needs Christopher Walken and Usher for the EGOT.

At least I didn’t reply to someone saying, “You’re stupid.” Let me guess: you’re a Star Wars/cartoon/videogames fan?

After years in Los Angeles and Brooklyn, I actually moved to Berlin because I recognized that this is where “my people” are.

You are absolutely beautiful but you worried me: your small-topic conversations are cartoons, Star Wars and video games? This really runs the gamut from A to B. You’re not interested in art, architecture, travel, current events, foreign films, feminism, books, history, any music other than pop?

So you’re saying probably 100 of the best singers of all time — Ella Fitzgerald, Louis Armstrong, Carmen Macrae, Ray Charles — somehow all agreed to record a lousy song? Thank you so much for sharing your hard-earned insight.

I was going to mention that Chick-Fil-A is virulently anti-gay, and anyone who patronizes them is either purposely complicit, morally questionable or just flat-out dumb.

Negative minutes: “should have been there already”

You seem oddly excited by the fact that you can use a blender to make -- tadah! -- blended vegetables.