Only if he was driving their bus.

Nice try, Oedipus.

This is excellent. Basic risotto technique was the second thing my grandmother taught me to make (after sauce) on the theory that "a wife who can make a risotto can get away with murder."

You know how touchy the micks can get.

I'm pretty sure the crowd was just trying to down out the singing.

All I Want To Do Is Make My Ears Not Work For, Like, A Second Or Two

It's pretty appropriate, since the Pats won't survive if they don't find a way to stop the White Welker.

I certainly admire these men's hard work and long hours, but the capitalist in me just can't find the rationale for donating to their cause. I mean, a couple bucks here, some ice cleats there, suddenly round trip airfare to Russia. Where will it end?

Seattle got off to an early lead as fans wanted to brag that they gave before it was mainstream.

Husband: Hun, look up there, we’re on the Wizards' Bandwagon Cam.

What would it take for you to eat that?

The bowling one is just you staring at a bowling lane after two pitchers of beer.

The results are kind of mesmerizing, although not without the occasional unfortunate swastika.

A-Rod thought the added weight would help lower his suspension.

Suspension or no suspension, he doesn't seem to be missing any plate appearances.

(Angrily tears up Super Bowl ticket)

How the hell are they planning to play the game without footballs?

So wait, this guy's not allowed to shoot icicles, but his neighbor is allowed to hang his lights?

Getting an icicle jammed through your cerebellum is one of the lesser-known perils of shooting up.

You say absurd profits. But you have to remember, there's lots of overhead that owners have to pour money into, things like stadiums and-[checks earpiece] Wait, WHO helps them with that? [listens] Whay would they-[listens] But that money's for schools and vital serv-[listens] Yeah, but every economic study ever…