Ah yes, my mistake. How could I mess that up?

These people don’t actually vote, right? These are the people who are scared that if they register as voters, the government is going to invade their lives. Please tell me these people aren’t actually registered to vote anywhere.

He needs to go back to school to learn proper American. Or is this American while the rest of us are speaking English?

I live in Alabama. Probate judges are the ones who issue marriage licenses. I live in Pike County. Our probate judge hasn’t issued any licenses since February when Judge Roy Moore threw his hissy fit over the gays.

The first commercial I saw for it made me say, out loud, “Is this not the premise for Modern Family? But these people seem so much less charming.”

I go to bed way before my fiance and he admitted to me a few months ago that his go to show when there is nothing else on is Cougar Town in syndication. I thought that was adorable and slightly shocking.

I know so many well educated, otherwise very smart people who really like Ben Carson. Why? Is it because he’s a doctor? Because he reminds them of some kind, fatherly figure? Do they just not look into what he says and his inaccuracies? I don’t get it.

I’m in that exact situation, except with dogs. 16 pounds and 40 pounds. They’re little bed stealing assholes.

I bought steps for my 12 year old mutt dog and he refused to use them. We still have to pick him up and put him in bed. He hates being picked up, but suffers through the humiliation to snuggle into the sweet, sweet memory foam.

Even if it wasnt, whatever answer you gave would evaporate in the ether because anything that goes against the OP’S ideas is wrong and unjust.

You still have time!!!

That’s almost too perfect.

You’re my hero.

...I’m drunk already because wherever he is, he’s speaking...

Is there an official drinking game devised yet?

There should be booze delivery. That’s a niche market that we’re missing out on.

Like Drunk History, but so much better. If I didn’t live on the other side of the country, I would happily donate the four bottles of red wine I’ve been neglecting.

There should be an open bar.

Until they stung him. Then he’d start making speeches about deporting the bees and building a bee proof dome over the country.

That’s the best use for Trump’s head. Candy delivery device.