Every country on the planet has hacked into Twitler’s unsecured phone, so as much as it’s possible by hearing that idiot talk, Iran knows what’s going on.

That’s so dangerous. One tiny little miscalculation and the rocket will miss Mercury and head directly into the sun.

Isn’t/wasn’t there an Ivanka boutique in the lobby? That’s the perfect size for his “library.”

The Atlantic coast of Florida had a massive building boom in the 1920's that came to a screeching halt after two serious hurricanes in 1926 and 1928.

That’s the name for his neck beard. Don’t know the name of the guy attached.

Season one was pretty good. Taraji was fun to watch and the three sons were certainly nice eye candy. Season two already started to get repetitive. I dropped out somewhere in the middle of season three. When you’re churning through stories at a furious pace, creative exhaustion comes quickly.

What they need now is a financial consultant to help them consolidate their debts and work on a payment plan. I could do that for, let’s say, $450 per hour.

That’s Cindy and Ronnie Black, their son Ronnie, Jr., Aunt Louise (Black) Butler, and a random neighbor.

Drink a large glass of water, then wait. Eventually you’ll be able to pee on the charcoal remains.

Fairy tales can come true,

How dare you raise my hopes like that!

I’ll tell you what she’s not afraid of — idiot bloggers who seriously underestimate the lessons she’s learned from her 50+ years of political infighting.

It practically names itself — Grab Yourself by the Pussy^TM

Really. I have a condo in Chicago with a full size laundry room, including laundry sink, and a large kitchen with dishwasher. The idea of having to choose just sounds insane.

Sous vide in the washing machine. Hot water, delicate cycle. [chef’s kiss]

And the turning point for the country was when someone in Palm Beach County approved the so-called “butterfly ballot” for the 2000 election. If that confusing ballot hadn’t been in place, Gore would have won Florida by a few thousand votes instead of “losing” it by a few hundred. (Fun fact: there were about 19,000…

Those Inuit in their traditional fishing boats? Sorry, couldn’t see them from the bridge of this giant oil tanker. Felt a slight bump though. Hope the propellers aren’t fouled.

If it walks like a duck and talks like a duck...

The real crime is Efron’s haircut. Who will speak for the victim here?

The special counsel emphasized that nothing in the attorney general’s March 24 letter was inaccurate or misleading