He should know that a president can’t ignore Florida’s election protocols. That’s the Supreme Court’s job.

Faced with the harsh Australian climate are we sure the strawberries didn’t evolve the needle defense on their own?

world leaders dressed in black walked toward the Arc

I’m hoping very soon there will be a Trump death vigil. Instead of people praying for him to hang on, we’ll all be sending thoughts, “Get on with it — we have a party that starts as soon as you’ve flatlined.”

He’s certainly too much of coward to go back to New York in person and walk into a regular polling place, even one on the richest part of Fifth Avenue.

“And I say to thee, Simon Trumpeter, before the Koch crows thou shalt deny me 6-7 times.

I’m afraid that no matter what she does, the results will stay at their pre-assigned level. Kemp will make sure he always has 50.1% of the vote so a runoff will never happen.

No, it was never a question. His disordered mental wiring only allows lashing out. Compromise = weakness.

That must be his spirit animal -- something inanimate until you stick your hand up its ass.

First, they passed Amendment 1, which allows for the Ten Commandments to be posted and displayed in schools and other government buildings

No time! Got to get this posted RIGHT NOW! Can’t even take three minutes to read it one last time for obvious, stupid mistakes!

Get the barf bag ready

A father calling his daughter beautiful is usually a very charming thing, can even bring a tear to the eye, unless —

Way back in 1966. Maybe it was a little more dramatic than comedic —

Anhedonia: It’s a possible depression symptom.

After a failed attempt to hack the state’s voter registration system, the Secretary of State’s office opened an investigation...

I know there are tax advantages to keeping part of the structure so you can call it a remodeling instead of new construction. But in this case there’s really nothing salvageable. It’s a brownfield site that needs extensive remediation before you can even start planning anything new.

Don’t worry, I’m sure he has plenty of “friends” in truck stop men’s rooms. He just never seems to get their real names.

Removal costs for the existing structure are just too high. Apparently it’s a rotting, stinking mess in there and cleanup will take decades. Even the Superfund won’t go near it.

Cheerleaders are allowed to have names now? What’s next — a pay scale that exceeds minimum wage? That’s madness.