Right now the ship is clearly taking on water, but the pumps are mostly holding. After the mid-terms there will be some pump failure and the list to starboard will become undeniable. Will she stay afloat until 2020? Michael Avenattie says no.

This sounds like a potential violation of Texas law. At a minimum they should be at risk of losing their license to operate in the state.

Your advice is that I should break up with my boyfriend, Foinsapp Sizafitz?

give up the premium seat and move to coach

Bingo Gubelmann

If they’re coming for my jade egg, they’re going to have to pry it out of my cold, dead ... well, you get the idea.

“No law varying the compensation for the services of the Senators and Representatives shall take effect, until an election of Representatives shall have intervened.”

I’m starting to warm up to the term “Russian collaborator.” Because we know what happened to collaborators in the past...

You should all be incredibly embarrassed. Get a fucking proofreader.

Already happened, and he was a movie star!

Slow-cooked corgi is really the only way to go. It’s so tender and full of flavour.

“I was just following orders.” — Frau Nielsen

What would he do if the sneaky government decided to walk around to the back door? Outflanking an entrenched position is pretty basic military strategy.

The yacht has dreams of something better.

I’m sure the surrogate was pregnant the full 39 weeks, though.

“Join me, Virginia. Together we will control the galaxy!”

I heard that the FBI invented time travel so it could go back in time and invent the KKK in the 1860's. And they killed Lincoln while they were there, too.

There’s no way this issue will be settled by the courts by 2020, so automakers shouldn’t blink; they should carry on with their plans exactly as before.

I’m assuming there are a couple of prostitutes who have seen this from him before.

I assume that to mean the [barely] secret Pence 2020 campaign.