And we still advanced in the tournament! God bless the Euros and their adorable "sports." Bet the teams that lost the AFC and NFC championships wished they had a shot on point differential.

"I have here in my hand a list of 205 members of the sabermetric community that are known as being members of the Communist Party and who nevertheless are still working and shaping the policy of Major League Baseball."

Good luck tracking down those penises.

Pretty sure the only reason parents still leave voice mails is because no phone company or texting app has mastered a Guilt Font.

NOT ONE...

This is the best.

He doesn't get it. Just let him go.

I assume they are looking to add Melo because they think getting to the Finals is just too easy now, and they want to ensure that they have a black hole in the starting five to make it more of a challenge.

True, but have you ever had cramps?

They already have The Big Four

Working the weekend shift at deadspin sounds like working at the one bar in town open all night. You try to give prompt service with a smile, nobody tips much, but mainly you're just waiting for a bunch of stupid dicks to move along, even though you're there to keep the stupid dicks there. I love the comments Sean and…

Some days at work, for breakfast, I'll get a hard boiled egg and a packet of dijon mustard. I'll cut the egg in half, put the mustard on, and enjoy. As a kid, there were times where for my afternoon snack I would start with raw eggs, hard boil them, cool them, devil them, and basically spend thirty minutes making a…

I know you're all for simplicity with your deviled eggs, Albert, but a dressed up deviled egg was one of the premier culinary moments of my life.

Bridgewater didn't appreciate his plummeting draft stock being sponsored by AOL.

That's money that could have been better spent creating a charity for former Browns quarterbacks.

Here's my top-15 mock draft. This is at least as good as Mike Mayock's:

What are you talking about? When Crybaby Crosby and the Pens lose, America (and Canada) wins!

because #wearethe5thline

Blue Jackets fan here. Thank you for all these stories. Feel good to have the world talk about us in a good light.

"So typical! I was at the same game-where are my pictures? [thinks for a second] Never mind."