Oooh, you just reminded me of two of my grosser stories, both on the Brown Line in Chicago. There was the woman with the Tupperware bowl of a dozen hard-boiled eggs, who proceeded to eat all of them. Then there was the homeless guy who had been panhandling until some woman gave him a pouch of Starkist tuna. He sat…

My grossest Red Line story is probably the train full of passengers who passed around a bottle of cheap hooch one New Year’s Eve. Literally, everyone on that train car except for me and my husband drank out of the bottle. I have no idea how drunk you have to be to consider sharing a bottle of booze with strangers on…

This was also me! Luckily, I had a fairly understanding and accommodating fourth grade teacher. She usually just let me be because she knew I already knew the material. One day she lost patience and yelled at me, though. 😳

Yeah, as I posted elsewhere, my husband actually missed the birth. I thought it was because he was stuck in traffic. Turns out, nope. He was stuck in traffic but managed to make it to the hospital in time. Then he stopped to go to the bathroom on the way up to the OR because he kind of had to pee and he didn’t know…

Oh, I left out the best part—he missed the actual birth because he was stuck in traffic getting there from his office, but then actually managed to get to the hospital in time, but STOPPED. TO GO. TO THE BATHROOM. before heading to the OR. Quoth the dummy, “Well, I didn’t know how long it was going to be!” I actually…

Yeah, my husband likes to complain that he was really uncomfortable sleeping on the pull-out couch in my room after my emergency c-section. I feel for the guy.

Ha, no, wasn’t serious. Just made me think of monogrammed thermos guy immediately, and as you said, he's what monogrammed thermos guy imagines himself to be.

So does Salman Rushdie sell monogrammed thermoses or something?

A girl I went to high school with literally asked our sex ed teacher if oral sex was when you talked about it. It became a legend, and one of our graduation speakers somehow managed to work it into their speech (don’t ask me how, I honestly can’t recall).

Yep, I got both of those from the SAME people.

Given that “Chet Haze” is such a douche, as well as the fact that I’ve heard similar stories about Rita Wilson, that’s not terribly surprising.

And yet when I offer to perform amateur brain surgery on Dr. Carson, he turns me down. Huh, what’s up with THAT, I wonder??

Shit, someone needs to bring Caity Weaver back so that she and Rich can do a “The Best Restaurant in the World Is Babs’s Basement Mall” feature! And they can totally bring dolls!

Hahaha, my cousin became a stand-up comic and one of the things he talks about in his routine is his loser of a father. I like to think that most of the rest of us in the family are reasonably normal, though.

Are you my ex-aunt? My uncle faked pancreatic cancer because his ex-wife was (rightfully) going to send his grifter ass to jail for failure to pay child support. Why are these guys so dumb that they pick the type of cancer that is basically 100% fatal within months? We’re all gonna know you're lying, dummies!

Yep. This is so fascinating to me. I have an uncle who also faked cancer (pancreatic) to garner sympathy from his siblings so that they would let him come live with them. He needed to flee his home state because he was going to be sent to jail for failure to pay child support. They eventually figured out that he…

Seriously, did these people never read Sweet Valley High? Regina Morrow died the very first time she used coke, y’all!

My husband’s proudest day so far as a father has been teaching our 2-year old to yell, “Ma! The meatloaf!” over his shoulder.

That’s interesting that the standard height may be related to Lillian Gilbreth’s designs. The books her kids wrote — Cheaper by the Dozen and Belles on Their Toes — were favorites of mine growing up. In it, it’s revealed that Gilbreth’s own kitchen was not at all efficiently designed (and it didn’t matter to her…

My sister-in-law wanted to buy my husband a new golf club for Christmas a few years ago, so she went to dicks.com. They do not sell sporting goods there.