When I used to work for a law firm, I would fantasize every morning during my commute that my train would fall off the tracks as it rounded the corner before my stop. That was a pretty good indicator that I should not be a lawyer.

Oh god, how did I know Becky was going to be from Erie? I grew up in Erie. People from Erie fucking love beach glass. Which, fine, I like looking for it too. But the whole city is just fucking obsessed. There’s a beach glass festival, and every basic suburban housewife with access to a pair of pliers makes her own…

Definitely going back to the beginning. Why half-ass it? I'm committed.

Seriously, best episode ever.

Yes, I’ll be watching from the beginning. I’m thinking NJ and then Atlanta. I’ll skip Miami and DC; neither one sounds even a little bit appealing.

So I recently got hooked on RHONY, never having previously watched any of the iterations of this show, but having laughed my ass off at Hotwives of Orlando. Which version should I watch next? In mostly weighing New Jersey versus Atlanta, but I'm certainly open to suggestions. I love a good villain, so please make that…

Was this interview before or after they published the text messages between Mack, Schaefer, and Schaefer’s cousin in which they detail their plans to kill von Wiese-Mack? Those were released last week, as far as I know.

ahh, you beat me to it!

Well yes, but obviously not a package of cheeseburger.

I realize this story sounds super Florida, and it did in fact occur there, but I promise the two having sex were not related. Now follow along: my husband’s cousin was having sex with his sister-in-law’s sister (his brother’s wife’s sister) and he broke his penis. He was on the out part of the ole’ in-n-out, went to…

And realtor, not relator.

Thank you. The bags may be ugly, but using “special needs” as a pejorative is even uglier.

Honestly. Here, all along, I’ve been popping out babies for my career as a welfare queen . Had I known I could have been aborting them rather than going through with the whole 40-week pregnancy, I’d have been turning a profit that much more quickly! Man, it’s the American Dream for real!

What do you mean that the release “precluded” her from receiving visits from Huckabee and Cruz? She did in fact receive visits from both men today, just not while still locked up.

Umm...excuse me...? I think you mean “pigglio grigglio.”

I have a friend with a cat named Linda. I don’t know why, but that just cracks me up every time I hear it. But Steve From Accounting is even better.

Ohhhh, the irony! It burns!!! Is this the same Bill Cosby who spent the last twenty years preaching to the black community about accountability and not making excuses because of the color of their skin? Racist, rapey old pig.

So accurate. I don’t know whether it’s a basic Chicago bitch thing, a basic University of Michigan bitch thing, or a basic sorority bitch thing (or some combination of the three), but all of the basic bitches I know who were in sororities at Michigan and live in Chicago now (sigh, i know a lot of them) have the same…

Hahahahaha! One of my favorite memories of my great-grandmother was sitting with her at a great-aunt’s funeral while she commented loudly on the appearance of all our extended family members. She was telling me how my grandmother’s cousin looked like she’d lost weight again, raving about how handsome my father looked,…