My only issue with Honeyfund is they take a cut of the money that is donated and it doesn't all go to the couple if you buy it online. It's a small percentage (2.8%) but it's still annoying.

I'm a morning person. And an extrovert. I'm married to a non-morning introvert who never gets enough sleep (he's halfway through a surgical residency; he will literally never get enough sleep ever again until he dies). I have learned to just ignore him for his first hour of awake time. I make no noise that isn't…

I am a total morning person, but I am a QUIET morning person, so I feel you. A friend and I were sharing a hotel room on vacation and she's one of those chirpy morning people, and I literally said to her "if you do not stop talking immediately I will murder you." We ultimately came up with the rule of "no talking to…

Now I have to find a way to work "At the end of EVERY BOTTLE, Albert." into my conversation

This is me every Monday at 11.

My absolutely wonderful fiance is the same with the meandering stories. And he'll say, "Anyway, long story short" like five times while he's telling it. I finally lost it one day and interrupted him with, "IF YOU SAY 'LONG STORY SHORT' FIVE TIMES DURING A STORY, YOU ARE NOT MAKING IT SHORT!!!"

Been thinking about this for 5 minutes now, to decide what my husband really hates. It's got to be the blank stare I'll give him when he starts telling me some story from work or a trip to Home Depot or wherever he wanders off to but the story is all pronouns and no plot. Even worse must be when he gets to the end of…

Your mom's words of wisdom are totally where I am at. I think my kids are THE SHIT. Other people's kids? Meh. Get off my lawn you boogery cretins!

I was once with two of my girlfriends who are the same age as me, in our mid 20s. And one of them said "It's like my body just NEEDS to be pregnant." And the other one readily agreed.

At this point I have pregnancy ambivalence. I think I really could go either way. On one hand, I'd like a family. I think being a mother could be a good choice for me. On the other, I generally detest children and really like having enough money to pay rent AND eat food.

I'm going to confess something to you: I love this story but I can't bring myself to star it because I'm a Red Sox fan.

My husband and I ran a 10K in our wedding clothes two days after our wedding. And yes, I had a floor-length wedding dress.

My husband and I got engaged while hiking in RMNP. We then got married in Bootleg Canyon in Nevada, premiere downhill mountain biking. The ceremony was officiated, we got suited up and then we bombed that fucking hill like pros. (Not really, I slid on my ass pulling my bike behind me most of the way because we were…

My brother's. Hoooo-boy.

My impression from the Mexican food story was that he picked up the change/tip that had some food on it, and threw that at the old guy. Obviously our opinions differ, but the fact that he not only stiffed on the tip but also stuck it in the leftover food made him deserving of what happened. From the description,…

Ah, Forxcalibur. Alas, many a man has tried to free that fork from within the enchanted block of parmesan, but all that have gone North to this garden of olives have never been seen again.

The other day I witnessed a mother grabbing her (13 year old?) son by the front of his shirt and saying "don't you EVER do that again" for being snotty to the cashier at a coffee shop.

That is not the solution. "Go to college, get some student loans and graduate with upwards of $20k in debt!" thanks so much for the suggestion!!!!

Why is every asshole's first friendly tip that we should all go to college?