My dog sends you virtual love (he's smiling for you, really smiling, he really does do that)

Why don't you just go with your friends to a movie and then sit in the theater and watch something entirely different on your phone?

Have you ever worked in a restaurant? Because people always claim that "but we'll be spending large sums of money" thing and don't realize how much restaurants really sell. There are parties who act so demanding because their 8 top is going to spend $250, while two couples eating together on a double date can spend…

yeah no.

A restaurant is a business that sells prepared food. If you are over 2 years old, you are expected to order food and drinks from the menu, not bring your own unless the restaurant has specifically posted that this is allowed (as at some places that allow you to bring your own alcohol). If you want to bring your own…

I submit that the assclown in question wouldn't taste the difference between buerre blanc and ranch dressing if he was drowning in either one. I'd have made the dish to standards and not mentioned that the substitution wasn't made.

Bullshit. Going to this kind of restaurant is like going to the Louvre and asking them to hang up some fucking Thomas Kinkade paintings. You're asking for an experience they don't fucking offer. Go somewhere that does, and stop wasting people's time.

I sincerely doubt that there was any ranch dressing in that kitchen to be had.

ATTN: "Timber" is the best song of any year ever and don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

I bought a set of Bose noise-cancelling headphones shortly before moving overseas. Best purchase I ever made. They won't completely cut out the sound of a wailing baby, but they do a great job of muffling it and making it at least bearable.

The only time I get seriously pissed about crying on a plane is when the parent just sits there like dead weight, not even trying to rock or soothe the baby. Or when someone boards a 10 hour flight with a 2 year old and did not even bring a single toy. What did you think your toddler was going to do, read the…

Maybe airlines should make other seating arrangements for children.

When we still lived in the credulous idiot capital of Oregon, my 2 year old and I both contracted pertussis in March, despite vaccinations. The worst part has been over for a while, but any time we catch a cold it turns intp a horrible barking cough that lasts for weeks.

I'm excited and scared.

Neither was I. I closed my eyes and frantically scrolled down. Is this how my family feels when I send them pictures of particularly bad bruises I got?

yeah, I did not need to see that this AM...

Neither was I. I think I uttered a disgusted "GAH!" out loud.

Darling - what do you have against punctuation?

In the run-up to my wedding I'd started going just a teeny bit crazy (meltdowns over seating plans, nightmares about the dress, insisting we hand-pick vintage paperback books for every guest, etc.) and then three weeks before MrDalloway and I went to a truly awful wedding. The groom is the brother of a friend of MrD;…