The timeshares at Jonestown look beautiful.

"Yeah. Yeah sure. The shirt's about A-Rod. Not anything else. Nope. It's certainly definitely not left over from any kind of massive, unprecedented tee shirt factory screwup - which wasn't my fault, by the way - that got me unceremoniously thrown out on my ass and cost me my wife, and my kids, and sent me straight…

Oh. So he really didn't get the memo about taking out your franchise QB when he's hurt, did he?

"I've been meaning to get an e-mail," explained Shanahan. "But every time I get online, I end up on my fantasy team page, compulsively changing my starting running back."

[Reads headline]

Just get a load of these bears

Luckily for the divers, virtually everything in Bristol is shallow.

Joke's on you guys. I'm really a 7-year-old Latina.

I'd guess that the median Deadspin commenter is a 34-year-old white male with middle-to-high income but also above-average alcohol consumption. So we're taking about a remaining live expectancy of 47 years, give or take. My best guess is that you'll die in 2060, perhaps just a few days before Sasha Obama wins her…

Hiring: One transcriber, telecommuting allowed. Must have typing, basic web skills, and the ability to read Mr. Gammons' handwriting. After Mr. Gammons writes his daily article, we will send you a picture of his computer screen. You must respond within 15 minutes that the writing is legible, as we need to begin…

That's great viral marketing by Staples.

Embarrassing for a site that prides itself on accuracy.

"This is pretty good work for a couple of journalists, but let's leave the heavy lifting to real statisticians. These analyses could be enhanced greatly be applying the Bag of Words models (BoW) and a good deal more T-tests. In other words, focus less on the sports and more on the T-BoW."

And so begins the death of the read option.

As always, Eli gets the last laugh on the Patriots.

AT&T's sponsorship makes a lot of sense.

Well, at least one thing in that stadium gets a ring this year.

This shouldn't come as a surprise. Tyson couldn't even beat a 2-bit Holyfield.

After last night though, Tim Hudson probably prefers the IHOP.

"Spotted, eh?"