Of course he's going to have to do fake sex. There's no way a real woman would get that close to a TE O face.

Still, the easiest easy way for the Raiders to avoid blackouts is to hire a waterboy instead of allowing Janikowski to do it.

Hee!

Angie was so touched by Donald that she's planning her own Driver retirement party in two weeks, when she crashes her Buick into an Arby's.

+1

Dumass!

Before everyone gets all crazy, let's wait for the final report. Nine times out of ten, Turkey drivers are asleep at the wheel.

Moran.

+1 cone of shame

Oh come on, this is no big deal. In fact, the story is barely wine cooler conversation-worthy.

Ha!

Hi!

Wave of Depression Leads to Storm Out, Pleas to be Hurricane

Actually, Emma, I believe young Kobe was really just all about the marbles.

Ha!

To think, all that over a debate on the proper hour of peanut butter Gilles time.

Hey!!! They just stole "Update: blue nose" from Richard Collier's 2008 Facebook status.

Please, teams have been doing this for years. Why, every David Eckstein bobblehead ever shows him doing the Hustle.

This may seem like great news for everyone, but Wal-Mart greeter Tim just shed a few silent tears when his Google Alert for "Super Bowl, champs & Couch" finally produced a result.

Think that's sad? I lost a bet that we'd be able to see the tattoo on her vulva. Sadly, we didn't get to enjoy Beyonce lips' ink.