Dummy.

Actually, my source at Football Zebras told me they went with Jerome to complement the surprise halftime show, The White Stripes.

Finally, a result on Jude's Google Alert for "inadvertent cuts tangentially related to a Christ-like figure."

In a beautifully-timed coincidence that reaffirms there is a higher power out there, Rob just noted his 413,940th seconds in his surprisingly detailed food journal.

Hee!

Sadly, further reports indicate that if they would have just asked, both men could have had the No. 2 special.

Tom, instead of manually typing all of those exclamation points in the title, just use < /Flacco > [text] < Flacco > coding.

"I'd love to buy that single!"

Both T.O.'s self-destructive nature and bowling etiquette tell us that he should go first.

Talk about your double standards. I'm a virgin in my 30s and all I get to be is a luger.

She joined the team despite massive pleas from The Young Zen Club, who desperately wanted her to be a cheerleader.

Alright, Deadspin, I think enough is finally enough. Can't you just let this poor kid be? He seems to be a good all-around guy, just got caught up in an unfortunate situation. Is it really necessary to hassle him on his birthday? I'm not sure if you know, but Manti hasn't even seen his mom in almost 22 years. He…

RG: Where is that fucking pitch? WHERE'S THAT FUCKING PITCH?

Great.

Hee!

Well of course your parents' emails are going to appear here. It's not like they'd make Drunken Hookup Failures

No thanks, Deadspin. If I want to see 17 calves get destroyed, I'll tune into FOX's Celebrity Kickboxing: Suleman Octuplets v. Heather Mills.

Nice.

Hee!