Ha!

Still, as far as undefeated NFL players go, Holliday is nowhere near as small as the '72 Dolphins.

Joke all you want, but this is bad. The thought of a black man, elbow-deep in cotton and surrounded by the sounds of whips and chains, calling Ernie "boss" must be such a terrible reminder of that time that Bert walked in on his roommate and Kevin Clash.

Of course, per strict legal advice, Will Monday is a necessary precursor to Chemically-Assisted Intercourse Tuesday at the Hefner residence.

Ha!

In all seriousness, this is great for Matsui. He's going out on his own terms at the right time, not hanging on too long and being released like so many other aging players. Plus, if Hideki wants a pink slip, he can always just pop in Akira Nutsuki's Shallow Cervix & Comically Oversized Labia Vol. 7.

Ugh, complaining about the Sun Bowl? I, for one, think Deadspin is spending way too much time and energy on Ra moan sessions today.

He's like a musical IMG!

Sorry, Tom, but I think the comparison is an apt one. When I hear that a team got pumped and a bunch of guys unloaded, the first person I think of is Rod Stewart.

Ha!

Don't put too much credence in prison baseball stats, though - especially for relievers. Each year every guy leads the league with 365 holds.

Low-hanging fruit/offensive stereotype? That's Raysist!

I'm just hung like him. Shh.

You!

This is great news - the Colts were able to find another use for Peyton's old helmet.

Great, now I gotta go "unwrap my own present"* again.

Jingle Bells

This really should come as no surprise - the dirty-ass Steelers do nothing but brag about their "proud" history of forging.

Just relax and drink this delicious, nutty-flavored coffee.

We've secretly switched Mr. Goodman's usual coffee with a potent dose of sodium cyanide. Let's see if anybody notices.