I once had a Storm ride me out, but then Mike Adamle was all like "Breakthrough & Conquer, just like all of the female events, is for post-ops only. I don't care how small your penis originally was, Edwina."

Whole family is kinda short, huh?

Bob, is it true and that you and your ilk now prefer the term "developmentally-disabled man"?

Mr. Vila, what three ordinary tools from your usual toolbox would you use to fix Kinja (the very commenting system you're using now!)?

I wasn't there but I hear the Giants viewpoint was surprisingly mundane.

The zombie was quite disappointed to learn that he could not, despite popular belief, see directly into Ms. Duncan's brain.

"A asshole Centaur in DC."

Nice.

Doctor: Dios mio, Bartolo. Estas ok?

Hey, I'm totally out of that coma!

As someone who has personally sucked off Prince Fielder, I can tell you this is patently false.

Further perpetuating a strereotype was the Iowa coed reading that girl's book over her shoulder from 30 rows up.

More like Jon Heyman do you happen to know where my dad ran off to when I was just an infant, amirite?

Well, I for one have no doubt that we'll soon hear about Barreto getting that commitment he's so desperate for.

Not hilarious was Phil being in the same room when LT twirled around that used condom.

Fine, I'll be the first to say it: Black people are really starting to bother me. I mean, I can't even enjoy my Friday without humming that damn catchy tune.

This is so disappointing, I really expected a harsher penalty for committing statutory rope.

Only 11 years old and the kid has already had an idea picked up by one of the most powerful organizations in the world? Man, this is definitely Dante's apex.

+1 black butler for the older generation

Things took a tragic, yet poetic, turn when the vehicle blew through the stop sign, striking and pinning Joseph Marcell underneath it.