This is on The Concourse and was re-posted to DeadSpin.

Bear: [reads ingredients]

I used to play pretty seriously. The rules are simple. The main goal is to achieve “The Queen’s Errand,” or have the most netted balls by the end of the crow’s watch. If the pepper is placed in your path, you have to wheel the cranberry using only the poetic side of your bike. The lines on the court indicate the…

“Hey, collusions are part of the game. That’s why we wear helmets.”
- Emmitt Smith

The Australian version of 911? I’m guessing that’s 116.

If I’ve learned anything from sports, it’s that you can’t just deck women at home and expect to get away with it.

We should be so lucky to live in a world where Chip Kelly's personnel moves accidentally kills all the Philly fans.

Sounds like someone is going to get a five minute major high sticking tonight...

Here's a screengrab in case they disappear:

Great. Now the 49er's Social Media Director and their Offensive Line Coach are both going to have presentations in training camp called "For God's Sake, Can't You Just Block Them"

@battman_returns you got 8 followers bruh your own family don't even want to know what you doin! Get better at life!

This girl seems like a pretty unbelievable catch.

"Here, take a few swings so we can assess your swing speed."

Is this where I confess my desire to adequately furnish a room in something resembling a cohesive, ascetically pleasing manner?

Getting fitted for golf clubs. Face it, many of us like to golf, but a good percentage are carrying the wrong equipment. Why not a basic article about how to get the most out of one's admittedly limited skill set via improvement through hardware?

I can't even count how many times I've gotten drunk and ended up at McDonalds.

Look guy, if you're just going to stand in the corner and inhibit our forwards ability to do their job the least you could do is put on a Stars jersey.

Shit, now even the refs are flopping!