Don’t waste your time with this person, I’d guess they got personally screwed over by their own union (which, fuck that. But still better than unchecked corporate fuckery).

It was pretty shitty. Including that, given my score, I had to take a physical education class to get through the core requirements. I chose social dance, because as a gawky nerd at a mainly male school, I thought it would be a great way to meet women.

I did not know black garlic potato chips were a thing. They sound pretty intense. But I do agree, I can’t see them pairing with rose water. Maybe I also have no palate, but in general I’ve never found rose water to be a satisfying flavor.

I tried making my own black garlic last month. It turned out pretty well, but making it involved around 3 weeks of my place smelling strongly like a very garlic-y fart.

“That’s usually not a good thing. That’s usually a sign that says ‘Man of the Woods; Trespassers will be shot’’

U Chicago

The college I went to required, during orientation week your first year, that you take a physical fitness exam. All at the same time. So all of your new classmates are in the same room to witness you be out of shape. The worst part: this exam involved a swim test, so you also got to be half naked in front of all your…

I am now sincerely and deeply invested in daily Marzipan news. Here’s my new pup in return!

I should also add, one of my proudest accomplishments in life is getting permanently banned from LePage’s Facebook page. I came home, (sure I was pretty drunk, whatever) and posted a link to the song “Nazi White Trash” on his page about 40 times that night, and that was that. “You’re, sick, I hate you, you stupid…

This wont change any minds, but it should come as a blow to every person that has ever trotted out the “government should be run like a business” line.

You had me until the end, you monster. Frozen Thin Mints are obviously the best, followed by Lemonades, followed by Tagalongs, followed by getting kicked in the crotch, followed by Samoas.

Excuse me, pink and yellow Starburst are the good ones. Any cherry flavored candy in general tastes like a cough drop.

I am so looking forward to the headlines when Maine gets rid of LePage. He used to be mayor of my town when I was a kid. I can very confidently say that he is a godawful person that also still owes me $40.

Derek? Derek...

I’m a Patriots fan, but a part of me truly is rooting for the Jags, just out of respect for Jason, Pillboi and Donkey Doug.

Stupid Nick’s Wing Dump must be going crazy right now.

My inhuman heart-stomping succubus of an ex is a massive Vikings fan, so with all due respect, eat butt.

I know most of the people involved are dickbags, but goddamn, I miss the Almighty Exiled Moderator.

This is the most mortifying thing I’ve heard in awhile. Goddamn dude.

Probably not too unique, but Senior Prom. After it, we went to a friend’s cabin (I’m from Maine, it isn’t a weird thing to do there), and I somehow accidentally made this poor girl’s nipple bleed while trying to undo a bra for the first time. She then went on to hook up with another guy. Fun times.