Lust-drunk witch here! Also, my father was my primary caregiver. Perhaps I just imagined his presence!

EXCUSE ME BUT HAVE YOU NOT SEEN THESE BEAUTIFUL IMMACULATELY GROOMED CATERPILLAR BROWS?!? NOT AWFUL.

But now you've got even *more* clothes to get rid of!

May I propose that, instead of going nude, you wear all of your clothes at once?

Like this:

A few months ago, Twitter had a “thank a feminist” initiative… which resulted, of course, in a whole bunch of “thanks for getting in the kitchen and making me a sandwich, bitch!” kind of tweets. My favorite response was from @wentrogue who said “I am trying to work up some sympathy for all the men too witless to know…

Friends and family report that this is the first they've heard of the new addition, as the Staines still won't shut the fuck up about running a half-marathon.

*God, please no one shit on Mindy Kaling's look because she's amazing and I love her*

I'll bring them, don't worry.

I can say with some certainty that Paul Rudd was my first celebrity crush. Clueless came into my life when I was first discovering boys and he will always have that special distinction in my book.

WHY DID YOU KEEP THIS FROM US? I'm heading to the grocery store to buy barley RIGHT NOW.

If a statue doesn't consent, is it "statutory" rape?

Oh please. People make such a fuss about things. I used to eat pills from my sister's medicine cabinet all the time and I never tangerine water buffalo bananapockets.

Yeeesh... if they came outta his butt they're..

I thought it was called Freedom kissing...

Way to buy into Big Bear, you tool of the beartriarchy. I'm having a lentil assisted birth.

Fake id.

"wait... what?" = my reaction. he went down there and made weird kissy noises while kind of using his hands. if he didnt want to, i would have been okay with him not pretending... i mean, he didnt think thats what happens right? even if he watched porn, he would see that their mouths/tongues TOUCH the area. i was SO…

"Rude to servers"

Confession: I recently named one of my boobs. The left one. It's name is Bobby Hill. Because it is always trying to peek out of my bra or shirt or bikini top, and I'm always catching it misbehaving, like, dangit, Bobby!

Me too.. the shame...