Did you go to Pitchforks 'r' Us? They're having a sale on torches right now.

I have no idea why someone thought that would be a good sanctimony pony...

YES!

Did you say - Sanctimony Pony?

It gets even less sexy than that. She went with him reluctantly to sex clubs, but she refused to do anything, and instead watched him with other women.

Only a double facepalm? I think he definitely earned this

I have it on good authority that the devil went down to Georgia. Apparently he was looking for some souls to steal. He was in a bind because he was way behind and he was willing to make a deal.

A subscription to Life Magazine?

Which makes them part of the conspiracy! You're finally getting it!

Me, of course. Why would the National Shotputters Association know anything about it?

Despite what you may have heard or read, I am neither.

I was going to say me, which apparently was an incorrect answer.

It was in Klingon. Well, Klingon-Romulan. With a touch of Pig Latin.

Aha! You didn't read my 10-page treatise on the evils ottomans have inflicted on the world. I knew you didn't read it. I knew.

You would know.

They say strange things in Tupelo

You were a Tupelo-based martial artist-Elvis impersonator?

Or perhaps Tupelo was just too small a town for two conspiracy-minded, snappy-dressing, nunchuck-swinging rock ’n’ roll men to coexist in harmony.

Ain't it always the case.

Thank you. Off to read

You always say that, and look where it gets me.