Curt hasn’t been this invested in a trainwreck since 38 Studios.

Chris Matthews: I bet you can’t name one foreign leader you admire.

The shit doesn’t fall far from the ass.

“Wow! ‘Avoid the clap. - Yoenis Cespedes’... Awesome!”

They had to keep their cars cool, see, because they had just pulled over...MORGAN FAIRCHILD! Yeah, that’s the ticket!

His voice is like the grown-up version of Kyle’s cousin from South Park.

Why was King reading Trump’s teleprompter?

I don’t want to know how many Americans found this on accident by Googling “Kaepernick Lynch.”

You can’t spell special without ACL

It was too risky. The straight path to the locker room cuts directly through a day care.

Diner: “Can I have the double bacon cheeseburger, fries, beer and the injured player walk-through special please.”

Waiter: “Would you like the special teams player injury or can I interest you in upgrading to a starter?”

You’d think a guy bragging about building a wall could manage a few curtains.

“These are the healthiest players ever.”

That's a lot of words just to tell everyone you do Ironmans.

If he doesn’t want to get hit in the head, maybe he shouldn’t wear a helmet. He’s just asking for it when he’s dressed like that.

Barbacoa

I never cared if he disagreed with the officials. I just don’t think it’s right that he disrespected the flag and those who died to protect his freedom.

If you are more upset at Kaepernick protesting police brutality than you were at the police committing it, yeah, you're part of the problem.

Douchin’s Eleven

While it was a close shave, Felix is probably lucky she didn't get the full Brazilian.