using it only to tell the pitcher “I banged your mom”

My boss at DQ asked if his 15-year-old girlfriend and her mother could move into my Ocenaside, CA apartment (already six in a 2-BR) because they got evicted. I said I had to use the bathroom, got my bike and rode home mid-shift.

I think you just didn’t prepare for this properly.

Meanwhile, the Orioles’ “2018 AL East Division Participants” is still just sitting on the side of I-81.

Let me explain this amazing comment so Redskins Fans understand... Adrian Peterson beats his kids.

 Fresh off admitting that their 200,000-person season ticket waiting list never actually existed...

Adrian Peterson told reporters, “That was a new one for me. It was different.”

Also under consideration:

AAAHHHH!!! MIDWEEK MADNESS is back! I can die happy. Thanks you from the bottom of my wicked heart. 

Well that was a deflating reply.

I’d take him on morning drive over Golic(s) and Wingo.

Is this 2 steps forward and 1 step back or 1 step forward and 2 steps back?

Just don’t ask what he uses for the battery cells’ electrolyte.

Would have been way funnier if he said a number less than 4.

Less than half his age?

The owners colluded to hide information on devastating brain injuries caused by their workplace, I have no doubt that they would collude on salaries from a purely moral perspective.

Planet Money did a fun video that explains how Honeycrisp and other edible apples took over in the 1980s. Worth a watch!

The Red Delicious apple—which went uneaten, as Red Delicious apples are not food

Cats are a liquid, after all
(edit: argh Kinja)