Just between you and me and the dirt road, the reason those pies tasted funny wasn't because Rebecca switched spices. It's because she added a nice little splash of her favorite, uhm, liquid ingredient, the one she puts in her "Rebecca's Bloody Marys", which are really nothing but her squeezing a ketchup packet into…

Well! I ... bless your heart. I'm sure you didn't deserve that re-gifting at all, and you are a much nicer person than I had heard as well!! Much nicer! Gracious!

I don't know why she says such mean things about you. You seem like a very nice, decent person.

Well, honey, of course not! A good set of tools—strong, solid, dependable ones—are a really important feature of any woman's life! You are just being responsible.

I appreciate that, but it's not the re-gifting that has me worried. I'm just wondering if those tools had a role to play in Nick's Mustang accident. If you know what I mean. And even there, if they did, they did. That's God's to judge, not mine. I just don't want them confiscated by the police.

I am gasping at this. You poor thing. Why, bless your heart.

Wait. Nick? Did he call himself Nick Slick? Did he in fact have a set of fine craftsman auto tools with Nick Slick inscribed on the tool box and a cursive NS on every tool? Cause she told me she bought those for me on eBay.

Cathy is always at those bake sales, flirting. When she hits up that Sears Worthington Career Woman sale, she gets all fired up about how 'this is her year' and how 'it's finally Cathy's time to shine' and pulls out tapes of "The Secret" and goes nuts about finding a guy. Last year, she saw 'Inception' and, while she…

Wait. He's dating Cathy? Cathy? Cathy whose lemon spice cake I buy every year at the bake sale and way overpay for it, I mean like $50 every single year, because I'm trying to impress her Cathy? Cathy who seems to get a flat tire or her battery dies every other week and she always calls me cause she knows I always got…

Well, I thought every body knew this, but I guess I will just tell everyone now. He is dating my Aunt Cathy. They met last year at the Chamber of Commerce bake sale at the Baptist church that is in the next town over from here. It's a good bake sale, but really it's not as good as the one at the Lutheran church. But…

Misogynoir is my new favourite portmanteau word. So perfect.

On behalf of fat women everywhere, I concur. In fact, I suspect that many fat, black women are breathing a sigh of relief right now.

Jesus fucking H. CHRIST, somebody buy that arrhythmic loser a fucking METRONOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"The Female human body is the most beautiful work of Art God ever created"

On behalf of Black women everywhere, I assure this guy that he is in no danger of any Nubian woman even thinking about dating him.

This post was written by a man for men. That's not a bad thing, just an observation.

If you're dealing with a "finicky" recipe, it's best to use the scale.

AHAHAHA "I stand by my t-shirt"!! What a ridiculous sentence to speak out loud!

No. I'm running my ac tonight, and for the rest of the summer. Make solar a priority, install those wave things, go fucking Nuclear if you have to. Just DO NOT take my ac away.

It's negging for pseudo-intellectuals.