Wait, who says getting eat out is the only way women get off? Did I miss that memo from the Infallible Pope of Women? That is a really broad statement that, frankly, I find ridiculous. I can’t be the only woman in the world who doesn’t exclusively climax from oral. Fuck that shit.

Seriously?! I have never had a guy not want to go downtown. In fact, I always have to turn them down. Maybe I’ve just never been with anyone who was good at it, but honestly it just feels slimy and gross to me, and even closely shaved stubble itches like all hell.

Did you ask the Goblin King to take your brother away right now?

just tell him it’s a rocket ship, geez....

and i thought regular pez tasted bad...

@Britters, why not just call the real estate agent and ask about it?

“ literally Netflix and chill”

A panic attack so bad that she can’t call 911 for 9 hours after the baby is born, not including all the time she was in labor? Also, all of her family is there? Sounds very unlikely to ever occur. I’ll take those chances.

I happen to hate grease dripping all over the place, onto my clothes and oozing out my pores. If you don’t like my blotting, you can just shut up and mind your own beezwax.

There’s a smell in my pantry. I can’t tell if it’s a rotten onion or there’s a dead mouse hidden somewhere. Either way, I’m ignoring it cuz that’s how you make things go away. Just will it so. It's not like things that smell bad get worse over time or anything, right?

Last entry: oh snap, he gave you a.... Christian Side Hug!

i don’t think a dead kid would stay on a regular swing. it would fall off when she pushed it. god, this conversation.....

a slumped over child could be asleep. rocking motions usually put kids to sleep.

Of course, women (and men) who have sex for money are not human beings, duh.

Looks like some kind of horrible nail fungus. Where’s the little Lamosil monster? Gross.

how do they know it’s watermelon? did they taste it?

this was supposed to be a reply to this comment.

Next she’ll want to make a cup of tea for everyone in Belgium!

Haha! One time I was with this guy who couldn’t keep his dick hard long enough to get a condom on. He said “I’m just not used to this brand.” He actually said that. Sincerely. I said, “they’re all the same, that couldn’t possibly make a difference” and he was like “noooooooo! this one’s different!!!” We didn’t end up…

210 people gave envelopes with over $200? Bull-fucking-shit!