@FIFA-Thespian-Federation: Congrats on that star!

Fellas,

The one Barry posted is more polished, but I've always loved this one.

The seizure was well worth watching that video.

@Peter Nincompoop: Hey thanks! I'm on the east side, so that works out well.

@IronMikeGallego: Absolutely. I'll just need you to first handle this check I received from a very honest Nigerian prince.

@Gary Oakland Athletics: Need more temptation? I've got Dogfish Head 90 Minute IPA, and Stone Luck Bastard waiting for tomorrow.

@JedLeland: Was actually looking for that, and ended up with the Breakfast Stout. BeerAdvocate has the KBS as the #4 or #5 top beer in the world right now, so I've been dying to get my hands on some.

@AzureTexan: "I'm a man of Means by no means...King of Natrone."

@BarD: Not yet, but I want to. Is that one of the seasonal beers, or one that they only brew a few times a year?

@Bevraj of Choice: +1

@Gary Oakland Athletics: Founders Breakfast Stout.

@AntoineWalker: Brother, I got some .gifs and a few pieces of clip art that will blow your mind.

So, according to TMZ's sources, he asked for a video of the Jets employee masturbating.

...channeling an ambiance of extravagant court life.

@Red Ned: It's somewhat true given that my folks did actually split up during the early parts of my freshman year in college. However, that did not stop me from using that same Get Out Of Exam Free Card 4 years after the fact.

@LubomirSekeras: My go-to lie was that "my parents just got divorced." This is a flawless lit because it requires no proof (unlike, say, "my grandmother just died"). There is no teacher on earth who will not have some sympathy for someone who was just told his parents will no longer be together.

@ZuckercornEsquire: I equally love and hate everything about this video.

@Walk Off HBP: +1

@Maloik: Thanks to this song my wife left me, my son wrapped his Lambo around a telephone pole while Tokyo drifting around Miami, and my daughter is a talentless whore.