What’s the point of a latex glove if they don’t take them off and just touch everything anyways.

I wonder how we survived when bartenders were allowed to drop a cherry into your Manhattan without wearing a latex glove. It’s like we’ve all got peanut allergies now and the government is our helicopter parent.

Trump is thinking about grabbing a few of these as Xmas gifts for Melania and Ivanka

Personally, I prefer a muff to a scarf.

Hopefully someone buys them a V-05 Hot Oil Treatment twin pack as a wedding gift.

Honestly, I think dating profiles for straight men should have a box to check if they’re housebroken.

Wherever you happen to fall on Serena’s behavior Saturday night—for what it’s worth I’m probably somewhere between Jenkins and Levin—surely we can all agree that the umpire failed miserably

Yeah. I think a movie like The Prestige does a much better job presenting the questionable ethics of teleportation than Star Trek.

So it’s the colour of my nipples and vulva that are offensive? I can just doodle on them with a magic marker and head for the beach?  

Hahaha Oh God, I’m just horrified because that’s like a 3.5 on the moh’s, fades in the sun, and is slightly soluble in water...I’d be way too paranoid to wear it as a daily ring! Pretty, though.

so.

Thanks I hate it, and am also glad that art did what it’s supposed to do: elicit emotion.

What would you housewives tagline be? Mine would probably be something ultra corny, like “I might be diabetic, but that doesn’t mean I’m sweet.” and then there would be a shot of me asleep on the couch with a giant lollipop stuck to my sweater because I declined to shoot the promo scene in a fucking ballgown.

then you tied an onion to your belt, which was the style at the time

You can also buy a used AWD minivan and then do something like this to it:

Jezebel has really gone downhill.

Now I need a twitter account detailing the fictional writing desks of famous authors. Emerson’s is just a pile of leaves next to a pond. Mary Shelley’s is her mother’s grave. Ayn Rand writes on the back of Paul Ryan, who considers it an honor.

Counterpoint: It’s a foul ball off the bat of Jay Bruce in a meaningless game. 

Also- Every Breath You Take.