Instead, what does he get as a sendoff? An MLS contract. Poor guy.

His agent always puts a strict no-defense clause in the contract writeup.

I say we cut all these GLORY BOYS in favor of no-name gym rats I've never heard of who lead the World Cup in grit.

Sure, but that may be difficult to fit on a jersey.

I read somewhere that it would have been 4 minutes if it wasn't for the extra-slow sub of Gonzalez for Zusi. That added the 5th minute.

The name leads people astray into thinking a football team exists.

Oh absolutely agreed. Like I said, Algeria is preferable. I just think that we have a decent shot against Belgium too.

Agreed that facing Algeria is much more preferable, but Belgium has looked suspect at times. As deep as they are, they haven't really dominated play. I think they are beatable.

The joke here is the part where it says "Miami Fan"

Miami Fan: "Eat shit, Hannibal!"

I thought it was just my shitty internet, but after your comment I now realize it's both the shitty app as well as my shitty internet.

Leave it to the Swiss to be Holy

I bet he can still clear the rack. As a conditioned athlete, after years upon years of training, and his body adapted to handle the weight, he could still likely retain the ability. Of course, I'm talking about the pastries rack at Panera, but still.

Don't worry. In 50 years we'll all be speaking Spanish anyways.

Is the headline translated to "Japanese Fubu Warrior Wrecks Shit, Slays Pussy, Is Greatest Human Ever"? Because if not, it should be.

Maybe he just...spotted dick.

"Nude All Blacks"? Surely that is a little bit of wishful thinking.

And then De Vrij with the almost accidental potential nail-in-the-coffin.

YOU DA REAL RVP!